Gilannon nedh Atalant
by celebelleth
Summary: What if Middle-earth was on a planet located somewhere in the Pegasus galaxy? What if the Wraith have found it? What a rich feeding ground of men and elves. CO Stargate Atlantis/LOTR, post WOTR, exploring the place of an elf-woman in the SGA plot - OC POV
1. Prologue

**Author's Note:** _Many thanks to my fantastic beta Lady Demiya; The story has been completely revised, thanks to her dedication!_

* * *

><p><strong>Prologue <strong>

Here, in this world and time, here in my own skin, I can finally begin. I have let the centuries pass me by and standing under another night sky, tomorrow means nothing.

Now that new times have come, I feel that I must finally begin. I must tell the story of the most incredible life I could have had. I have seen a world that none in Middle-earth could ever have suspected, and have had a life beyond what the Valar could have guessed for me.

I feel I owe it all to myself, to future generations, to leave a trace of my experience of my existence beyond the borders of Aman.

Rich, pure, passionate, violent, painful, rough, intense, happy, beautiful - my life has been a journey of many colours.

I leave this tale for posterity as it is said; now I reach my end. This is the last record of a time when my life took a turn that I could not, did not foresee. This is a record of the last witness of a race strong, proud and beautiful.

I am a warden of Lothlórien. I am a soldier of Atlantis.

* * *

><p><em>The first two sentences are derived from "Deep Blue" by The Arcade Fire.<em>


	2. Chapter 1: Taken Away

**Chapter 1: Taken Away**

_Middle-earth, Fourth Age_

The Golden Wood has been darkening lately. Shadows grew among the trees. Many folk told stories about demons coming from the skies and taking people. Even the stars foretold a threat coming from far away.

Only a few have witnessed flashes of light descending from the sky; strange objects flying through the air, beams of light browsing the ground. The ones lucky enough to stay alive remembered seeing strange creatures, like misshapen orcs wearing unfamiliar gear. They would grab their prey with a deformed hand (and) would take their life, absorbing their vital energy.

It started with some villagers in the Westfold. Men, women and children were equally attacked. So men came searching, seeking the help from the Elves of the Lothlórien. All warriors searched for the enemy. With time, more and more Elves were taken or found dead, their bodies husks as if they had been drying under the sun for years. With time, the attacks against our fair folk have increased so much that our number(s) grew few. It seemed that these strange orcs have some particular preference for taking the lives of elves since they encountered them.

We, wardens of the Golden Wood were scanning the trees and the sky. Many years had passed since the fall of Sauron, and since then we have had many years of peace. However, Evil had somehow found its way back. Yet, this Evil was unknown, unseen, and unclear. How do you fight an enemy you do not know?

"The night is clear; there are no clouds in the sky. Yet I feel the darkness close."

Thenian, our Chief Warden was considering us. We, the three wardens were Nandur, Mendil, and myself.

"I think I do see what you mean." My heart just skipped a beat as my eyes detected what I suspected to be the enemy.

I stood up and looked toward the forest line. A bright object had just crossed the sky and sent a beam of light across the trees towards our position.

"We move down!" Thenian waved to us and we climbed quickly down the tree and made our way on the ground.

Soon massive dark figures approached, aiming strange weapons at us. We swiftly engaged arrows at the monsters, but they did not seem to affect them at all. As they came closer, our chief warden yelled "Swords!" and the fight was engaged.

The creatures were strong, stronger than anything we had encountered before. Four of them were bearing a strange mask covering their entire face; the third one was uncovered and appeared to be their captain. These monsters were different to the Uruk-hai I had seen. Something was more disturbing, more vicious. They were no orcs. For the first time in my long life as a warrior, I was frightened by my enemy.

"We take them all," his low voice commanded. Quickly, we found ourselves overrun and mastered by the beasts. They did not kill us. The captain reached for a device attached on his forearm. A massive flying object swiftly approached and arrived above our head. A beam of light enveloped us and in less than a second, the world around us vanished.


	3. Chapter 2: The Hive

**Chapter 2: The Hive**

I woke up few times from a sort of coma, watching helplessly as my fellow warriors were being taken by the monsters. One by one they were seized and did not return to the cell where we were being held. I heard screams resonating through the ship; screams of pain, of horror. They seemed to last for hours, days even. But eventually the screams died out and another monster returned to take the next victim.

How long had I been imprisoned? I could not tell, for I lost track of the time as if I were intoxicated by a vicious poison. Yet the only clear memories I have are the monsters' recurrent statement: "Lives so delicious, so tasteful, so filling". The rest of the images are only nightmares and shadows covering an unhealthy, drugged sleep.

After an indeterminate period of time I was awakened by unfamiliar voices and I managed to open one eye. My limbs were numb and my throat was constricted – I was given no food for days and the only sustenance provided by my captors was a few drops of fetid water forced down my throat when they collected their next victim. I tried to speak, but failed.

"Oh this is great!" a tall, dark haired man noticed as he was locked in a cell with three others.

"What would you have had me do? You were supposed to guard the way as I finished figuring out how to rewire the device before…" another man said, protesting quite loudly.

"I don't blame you, McKay! We just need to find a way to get out of here," the first man replied. I could see him scanning the faces of his companions as he spoke.

"And get our weapons back," a deeper voice added.

"Well, while you are all complaining about our unfortunate fate, I succeeded in hiding this gadget in a secret pocket; a gadget I invented that will open Wraith cells. I am the hero once again." The talkative man had taken out a strange device that he put next to the entrance of the cell.

"Okay, knock yourself out! But be quick; they might kind of wonder how we managed that," the first man said, clearly eager to leave.

I was observing them from the corner of my eye. As one was working on opening the door, the others backed up and sat down, until the woman noticed me lying on the other side of our cell.

"Someone is here…" she said. She approached and kneeled in front of me; gentle hands brushed my hair away from my face and she examined my features, concerned. I was too weak to speak. She told the others: "She's alive, but not very responsive." The others came closer. She then stood.

The woman continued: "She looks like a woman belonging to some wood tribe, according to her outfit. She is certainly injured and needs medical attention."

"I think I'm getting a handle on this!" I heard the talkative man say at the door.

"Good, hurry up, and open the damned door!" the dark haired man said.

"Just a second… a tiny second… and… ta-da!" The door opened with the same crackling sound that had become familiar.

"Let's go!" the first man commanded. From the way he stood and the way the others looked to him, I guessed that he was their leader.

"We cannot leave her here!" the woman said, her voice like steel.

"We can't save them all, Teyla. Don't you remember that we've found worshippers in cells, too? We've got to get outta here! Now!" the leader commanded again.

"Ronon!" the woman called out, and I saw a massive figure approaching and my vision went dark.

-º-º-º-

I woke in a place that was strange and unfamiliar. I felt whatever I was laying on move slightly, and I guessed that I was on board a boat of some kind.

"How is our guest doing, Teyla?" I heard.

"I think she is waking up." The woman was holding my shoulders. I slowly focused on her and she was smiling at me. Her face was kind; her skin was brown, but her features were unlike the women of Harad I had seen.

"Hello, my name is Teyla. You are among friends here. What is your name?"

I felt my consciousness clearing and an excruciating pain shot through my right shoulder. It was certainly dislocated, and must have been for a while; the pain was horrendous.

"You have nothing to fear; we will not hurt you. You are among friends." The woman, 'Teyla' seemed gentle, but suddenly a tall figure came closer. Only bad memories came back.

"How can you be friend to me and be friends with orcs!" I instantly regretted my words as the tall figure came into focus. He was no Orc. He looked more like a man of Near Harad.

Teyla gestured at the man to stay still. "He is no… orc. This is Ronon. He is a member of our team. And this is Doctor McKay. And this is Colonel Sheppard. We found you in the hive ship. You were unconscious."

"Hive… ship?" I did speak her language. It was Westron and yet I did not understand some of the words she was using. She seemed equally as confused with me; apparently orcs were not something she was familiar with. I envied her for that.

"Yes, you have been taken by the Wraith."

"Thenian, Nandur, Mendil? Where are they?"

"I don't know of whom you speak. You were alone where we found you."

I remembered the screams, my fellow warriors and friends taken one after the other, never to come back; cruelly killed by the monsters. I realised that the monsters were what 'Teyla' referred to as 'Wraith'.

"You've been injured, but we can repair your shoulder when we get back."

"I will be healing by myself." I moaned as I tried to move my right arm. "Where are we going? What is this place?"

"We are going… home. You're in a Jumper; a small ship."

"Ship? Are we sailing?"

"Yes, in a manner of speaking. We're not on water, though, you can't feel the weightlessness…" The talkative man stopped. "This is a space ship. We… we basically fly in the sky."

"In the sky… how…" I've never heard of anything like this.

"Hey, hello there." The woman turned her attention to the man who was referred to as 'Colonel Sheppard'. He had moved from his seat and was stepping towards where I was laid next to a wall of the 'spaceship'. He drew closer, and I noticed a peculiar yet familiar feature and felt more confident.

"Mae govannen. Im estar aen Dëna ó Lórien. Mannen le estar aen? Man matha si?" _Hello, my name is Dëna of Lórien. What is your name? What is going on here?" _The man looked like a half-Elf.

"Oh… I don't…"

"Ú-bedich edhellen? Ú ellon? Ech peredhel?" _Don't you speak elvish? You are not an Elf? Are you half-Elf?_

"I can't understand your language, I'm sorry. I'm Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard. John. What's your name? Do you understand me?" He carefully articulated the last sentences.

"You do not speak Elvish." I could hear my own disappointment.

"Elvish?"

"Yes, the tongue of the Elves. You are no elf? But, your ears…"

"What… is she talking about?" Col. Sheppard looked at the others, confusion in his eyes and unconsciously reached a hand to touch his left ear.

"My name is Dëna; I am a warden of Lórien, the Golden Wood."

Apparently this explanation did not satisfy them, so I reached up and brushed my hair back, revealing the pointed tip of my own right ear. "I am an Elf."

"Elf, like… elves and… wizards?" the man asked playfully. But his smile dropped as he saw my ears. They understood I was no woman. I could see it written on their dumbfounded faces. Have they never seen elves before? Who were these men with strange outfits?

"I am no wizard. I am a warden, a warrior among my people." I moaned again as I tried to sit up. I was so worn-out.

"Easy." Teyla held my left arm and helped me. "You are obviously injured. Our people have good healers and will take care of it in a short while."

"My shoulder is dislocated; I just need to set it right. Would you help me?"

"You should wait for the doctor…" Teyla said, and though I had no idea what a 'doctor' was, from her tone I gathered that it was a healer of some kind.

"Okay, we're almost at the Gate, I better radio in and let them know we're coming." Colonel Sheppard turned and sat down at a control panel, speaking to a disembodied voice as I tried to decipher the comment. Gate? What Gate?

Just a few minutes later, I experienced something I would never in all my long years have imagined being possible.

I was sitting up at this point and looked over Colonel Sheppard's shoulder, it seemed that we were suspended in the night sky, but my mind could not process the information. Certainly, the shorter man had said 'spaceship' and 'flying in the sky', but I hadn't really taken him seriously.

In the middle of the blackness, between a few stars, another object became visible and it seemed that we were moving toward it at a great speed. It was a large circle, floating in the night sky. As we approached, a series of symbols at its' edge lit up, before a flash of silver, like a bucket of water being poured into another, exploded from the centre of the circle, leaving what looked like a slow-moving waterfall in its' wake.

We were heading directly for the circle, and before I could draw breath to ask why, the ship we were travelling in sped up and we hit the centre of the circle dead on.

* * *

><p>The name Dëna should be pronounced as déna, like the French é, or é in the name <em>Daedalus<em>


	4. Chapter 3: First Contact

**Chapter 3: First Contact**

I had closed my eyes, waiting for the bone-crushing impact, but when none came, I opened them and gasped in shock. We had arrived in a city, a place that they called Atlantis. In all the years I have walked the Middle-earth, I've never seen such a place.

"This is our home," Teyla told me as she helped me to my feet. Colonel Sheppard and the other two men had opened a large hatch on the back of the ship and were waiting for us to follow them.

I was amazed as I walked the city for the first time. Large halls of metal and glass, lights everywhere, and sounds I had never even heard before.

"We have strict protocols here; you have to meet with our doctors first, then with our expedition's leader, Doctor Weir. You have nothing to fear here." Teyla led me through the corridors. I could barely walk, but my eyes were browsing the strange sights around me.

"You are living in rooms of stone, metal and glass… this is… unbelievable. What is this, magic?"

"There is no magic. Doctor Weir will tell you everything you need to know. Let us see Doctor Beckett first."

We finally reached a room that Teyla called the infirmary. The room contained strange devices and more unusual sounds. Yet the people there were friendly and seemed to be helpful. A man wearing a white overcoat approached us. He must be the healer, I thought.

"Hi Teyla, what do we have here?" He turned towards me, speaking in a strange accent that made his words hard for me to decipher. "I'm Doctor Beckett, where are you injured, my dear?"

"My shoulder… is dislocated."

"Dr. Beckett, this is Dëna. We found her in the hive ship. I don't know how long she was captive there, but she is quite weak. Dëna is… an Elf," Teyla specified to him. I uncovered my ear to show him as I did previously for the others.

"Have you never met with elves? Are you all men here?" I could see the surprise on the healer's face as he looked at my ear.

"What do you mean by elves? I come from a country rich with this folklore; yet, I don't recall meeting with any person… like you." Dr Beckett was examining my ears closely, he seemed fascinated by them. This was not unusual for men, but most were more circumspect in their curiosity.

"I am an elf of Middle-earth, of Silvan descent. I come from the Golden Wood, Lothlórien. For some centuries now I have been a warden to defend my home."

"Centuries? But how old are you indeed, young lady?"

"I am five hundred and seventy-two-years old. Have you really never met with the First Born? This is the very first time I have met mortals who do not know of the existence of elves."

"Mortals? Wait, my sweet, are you trying to tell us that you are, indeed that old and you are, moreover, immortal?" Dr Beckett sat down, he looked confused.

"Yes, my lord."

Teyla and Beckett exchanged confused looks; be it at the revelation of my age, or how I had addressed the man Beckett, I was unsure.

"Alright, my dear; let us take care of this shoulder and run a few tests. It will be mostly painless, but it might take a little while. Teyla, you should probably go ahead and talk with Doctor Weir." Teyla nodded and slightly touched my arm, conveying comfort and trustworthiness with that simple gesture.

Dr. Beckett used many devices to examine me. He was telling me the sense of his actions, but once again, so many words I had never heard before made the procedures strange and difficult to follow. He helped me to lie on a nearby bed and called for an assistant to help him insert needles into my arms. He took samples of my blood, but the wounds he created were small and not painful, although I was shocked when he didn't remove one of them and instead attached a thin tube to it.

"This will push a medicine directly into your blood, so that it works faster. I'm going to give you something to make you sleep and to take away the pain, okay?"

By this stage I was used to his strange brogue and I nodded in acceptance. He smiled and attached a clear sac of liquid to the other end of the tube. A few moments later I felt my thoughts become fuzzy, and in less than a minute I was asleep.

-º-º-º-

My eyes opened. I felt immediately stronger; my shoulder had been put back into place and my extremities were no longer numb. Elves usually recover from injuries faster and better than men do. When wounded, we put ourselves into a deep, healing sleep and wake up when our bodies have regenerated.

I heard Dr. Beckett calling for people. After some time, a woman bearing an aura of command, yet gentle and softly spoken, came in the infirmary. Teyla and Colonel Sheppard followed her.

"Hello Dëna, my name is Dr. Elizabeth Weir. I am in charge of the city of Atlantis. How do you feel?" Her voice may have been soft, but there was an edge to it.

"I am better, Dr. Weir. I should first thank you for your hospitality and your help."

"You are welcome. Teyla and Colonel Sheppard tell me that you are of a race that call themselves Elves?"

These men have really never encountered elves before. So I did my best to explain to them who we were, how we - the First Born - came awake on the shores of Cuivienyarna. I gave a brief overview of our history, our ways, and customs, and our interactions with the race of men in the Middle-earth. How can you summarize so much information running through four Ages to people who never heard of elves? I detailed mostly the last centuries, the ones I know. The awakening of Evil, the war against Sauron until he and his Ring of power were destroyed, the restoration of Middle-earth — and the last threat.

They all listened carefully. I just hoped that they believed my tale and so far, I could not see any sign of the contrary.

"Thank you for your patience, Dr. Weir. I guess what I told you might seem as odd as everything I see here."

"It is… unsettling indeed," said Dr. Weir, raising a brow.

"Could you tell me how I arrived here? What was the place where you found me?"

"It is called a Wraith hive ship. You must have been taken from your world," continued the Atlantis leader.

"Like I told you, we have only encountered these monsters lately. I was told that they absorb the very life of their victims. They are no orc and I've never met such creatures. My woods, my home is in great danger, and I must return soon. Could you tell me when I will be able to go back? I feel already much better thanks to Dr. Beckett."

"Do you remember having seen a Gate in your world? A huge ring? A Stargate? Do you have any address?" Dr. Weir asked the questions patiently.

"It all sounds unfamiliar to me. I've never heard of this Stargate. Is it important?" I did not fully understand her question. What was a Stargate?

"It is a transportation device that connects different worlds." Dr. Weir told her tale, explaining about Atlantis, Earth, the Stargate, travels across different planets, and finally she reached the threat of the Wraith.

I slowly realised that I would likely never see my Golden Wood again. Elizabeth described the many worlds she and her people had seen, and how there were infinitely more in existence. She explained how difficult it was to locate worlds without a 'Gate Address' and my heart sank as the reality hit me.

I would likely never step foot on Middle-earth again, would never see my family and worst of all, would never be able to sail to the Undying Lands.

All of a sudden, I felt very lonely and lost. The oppression in my chest was squeezing my heart and lungs and I realised that I had stopped breathing. I closed my eyes and turned my face; I did not want the humans to see the tears that were running down my cheeks.

"You can stay here as long as you wish. You are welcome among us." Dr. Weir had seized my hand and her touch was warm. I could only nod.


	5. Chapter 4: In the Middle of the Sea

**Chapter 4: In the Middle of the Sea **

After three days, I was released from the infirmary. Dr. Beckett told me many times how he was impressed by the speed of my recovery. Teyla was a comforting help, showing me the city, explaining all I needed to know, and it was a lot to process. Colonel Sheppard was very friendly as well. He was my reference, patiently addressing the mass of questions I had towards their people and their life here in Atlantis. I felt the soul of a warrior in him, as well as in Teyla. I apologised to Ronon for my poor reaction to him. He did not seem upset. I sensed he was a private man, and he also bore the warrior's soul.

I have been in the great cities of men before, but nothing looked like this place. There were no trees; not much nature around to connect with, but strangely, the place was peaceful and welcoming. Maybe it was because of the sea. The city was an island somewhere in the middle of the sea. My heart went to the Undying Lands. Sadly, I will never see them now. My mind easily raced while trying to put together the different worlds, planets, galaxies, space ships; all was very confusing, but not yet real.

I have learned also about Teyla's experience. She was also a foreigner here and seemed to have integrated quite well. About a week later, she took me for lunch. I was still discovering a lot of new food, equally good and bad surprises, but I would never comment. These men saved me and gave me a refuge. More, they tried to give me a new life.

"Teyla, you are a warrior among your people, and here as well. You have learned to handle the modern men's weapons. Would you teach me? And do you have some place for training?"

"I am not sure I am the one to teach you about modern weapons. Colonel Sheppard and the other military here are more fitted for this responsibility. However, regarding training, there is a place we can go after lunch."

I was excited. I needed to exercise, for I started to feel claustrophobic in this place. So in the beginning of the afternoon, we headed to what they called the gym. We change our clothing into something adequate for training and arrived in a large room where a strange mat covered the floor.

"So Dëna, what is your best skill?"

"Sword, knives, archery… and my own hands." Teyla cast to me two wooden sticks.

"Interesting; after you," I said, being reminded of the trainings we performed as new recruits in the border patrol.

Teyla was stronger and swifter than I initially guessed. I really started to appreciate the woman. My strength was greater than hers, so I went lightly on my strikes. Elves are stronger than men, and I had more than five centuries of training ahead of her. Whereas her moves were not as graceful and sharp as elves', Teyla was an interesting opponent. A stroke almost surprised me. I enjoyed the challenge and thought I could cease to refrain. After few strokes, Teyla found herself kicked and put to the ground.

"Sorry Teyla, I did not mean to hurt you!" I kneeled, leaving the sticks on the side. With a small smile, Teyla made me lose my balance, but I caught up and rushed back on the attack immediately.

We kept on training for a few hours, pausing only to drink water and catch some breath. We eventually stopped when we realized that a visitor had entered the gym. Col. Sheppard stayed a few minutes watching us fighting. According to the smile across his face, he seemed to enjoy the scene.

Back to our fight, one stroke and Teyla lost a stick, a second stroke and the other was gone. A last one and she landed on the ground.

"You missed that one again!" I bent forward to lend a hand to Teyla.

"I guess I will need more time to learn this one. But it is quite efficient and impressive." Teyla stood up and turned toward Col. Sheppard who was leaning on the doorframe. "She is a formidable warrior, John. She will be a great recruit. You should consider this."

"I can see that; quite impressive." I felt his gaze falling on me. He took a moment to look down the length of my body before catching up with my eyes. He smiled as they met. We, the First Born are called the Fair Folk. Our female warriors are tall, lithe yet athletic. He seemed pleased by what he was seeing. So I saluted him with a small bow of the head.

"So… having fun, ladies?" Col. Sheppard commented playfully.

"Lots. Thank you. I mean, thank you all for your kindness."

"We are quite welcoming people, I'm sure you'll get along here. Do you have some time later? I would like to talk with you, nothing bad, don't worry."

"I am at your disposal. I just need to change clothes."

"Alright, I will wait for you."

When I got out from the gym, Col. Sheppard was waiting as he said. He took me for a stroll in the city. I was a little tense, for I did not know what to expect from this conversation.

"I see you made some friends?" He was quite casual.

"Teyla is a remarkable woman."

"Yes, she is. So… you are… an elf, like… elves, right?" He quickly looked at my ears and frowned.

"Were you not here when I explained…"

"Yeah, yeah, I was there. But it's… quite intriguing. Not that I don't like elves. You're the first I… met. Clowns are another thing."

"Who?"

"Anyway, you seem to get along pretty well here with us."

"I'm very thankful to you all for welcoming me among you. Without you… I have nowhere to go. But I am not ungrateful. I am a warrior Col. Sheppard. I will be no burden for you. If I can be of any help, it would be my honour and pride to fight for your people. Your enemy is mine now."

"Well, it was actually the reason I wanted to talk with you. You know now that we are at war against the wraith. The more we fight, the better. I know that it's still far from your… culture, but eventually - since you were like a soldier in your world - you could join one of our teams?"

"Really?" Hope kindled within me.

"Yes, sure! You'll need to acquire some knowledge and training with our weapons. But, you know, I think you can make it."

"Thank you for your trust, Colonel."

"Okay! So, I take this as a yes."

This man was unlike any I've met before. I could not tell whether the strange feeling I had came from this or from the fact I thought of him first as a half-elf. He was anyway charming. Elves do not mingle with men. I was yet touched somehow.


	6. Chapter 5: One of them

**Chapter 5: One of Them **

An intensive training paced my following weeks, for I had to learn about the weapons and technology of these strange modern men. I became familiar with their guns, rifles, P90, C4, radio, but also computers, and the Stargate. I learned about the functioning of the city; its shield, cloak, drones, ZPM, war ships, and puddle jumpers. I got acquainted with who the Ancients were; their civilisation and Atlantis itself.

The more time I spent with the people of Atlantis, the more I enjoyed their company. Rapidly, I did not feel like a foreigner anymore; maybe it helped that Ronon and Teyla were also initially outsiders. A new life, a real life was conceivable here for me.

One day, Col. Sheppard informed me that I was ready to join them on a mission if I felt ready. I was terribly excited and honoured all at the same time. I would have done my best to show that I was worthy for this responsibility. For my first off world it is two words, I believe mission, we headed to a planet where we shared a trading treaty with the inhabitants. They were mostly farmers, and it reminded me a lot of the people of Rohan. The contact was good; we were received with respect and were offered food and drink.

We also made sure the well-being of the people was good. Obviously, any sign of Wraith had not been detected lately. So we did not need to stay any longer, and we headed back to the Gate. I was walking next to Col. Sheppard on the way back; Ronon and Teyla were head of us. I heard him laughing softly while I was adjusting my vest. This gear was still quite new to me.

"Are you mocking me, Colonel?" I asked.

"I wouldn't dare!" He obviously did, though. Then he considered me for a second or two. I saw he couldn't help but glance down at my cleavage for a moment, and then looked back into my face. "You look good in it. I mean the uniform… you…." He looked awkward.

"Thank you."

"So, what do you think of your first off world trip?"

"Quite uneventful; unless you consider their sunroot liquor as a threat," I answered.

"Yes! It was something! They promised us a few bottles of it. It looks like we'll have interesting fuel for parties." We laughed at the idea. "Hey, I was thinking. Do you feel like training tonight? I'm afraid the day has been too quiet for you."

"It sounds like a good idea. Are you ready to have, how do you say, 'your ass kicked'?" He looked at me with astonishment. It was an expression I've heard him and Ronon using many times.

"I see you have already blended rather well among us! But for the ass-kicking thing, we'll see."

-º-º-º-

I met with the Colonel early in the evening at the gym. I had trained a few times with him and I knew he was quite resilient. Yet I was prepared for the fight.

"So, how do you want to play it?" He was referring to using Teyla's wooden sticks.

"I don't know. What about this?" I grabbed two wooden staffs and tossed him one.

"Okay! Ready?" he asked, preparing himself.

I let him take position, considered him for a moment, and then started sparring. We traded blows for a while; the Colonel was quite good and I stopped moving when he blocked my attack. He smiled contentedly.

I rushed in again, harsher, and faster this time. We traded a few more blows before I got behind him and smacked him hard across the back with the stick. He grunted in pain.

After a few more blows, he was on the floor. He gave a forced laugh and straightened up. We kept on fighting for almost two hours a bit more gently. The colonel was a great warrior, and I have to say, I had much fun.

When we finally stopped, he offered me to share a late dinner. We chatted in a friendly way. "You have been a warden for long, back in your world?" he asked.

"For the past five centuries or so, yes."

"Sometimes I tend to forget… your age." He chuckled. "So you never settled down, you know, got married, kids…"

"I don't know whether it is similar to what you call 'married', but I was bound to someone," I replied.

"Oh. For long?"

"Two centuries." He raised his brows.

"Wow! That's a pretty long time! I held on for five years. But… it was complicated."

"I'm sorry for your loss," I said solemnly.

"She's not… _dead_! I mean as far as I know. We just… divorced."

"What is that?" I asked curiously.

"You know, when it does not work anymore, you call it off."

"You can cancel your union?" I was quite surprised by this custom.

"Of course! Can't you?"

"The way we bind… our very life and soul are bound forever. It can only be broken with the death of one."

"Oh." And he suddenly looked sadly at me. "Your… husband - whatever - died?"

"Yes. He was a warden too. It was a long time ago." I tried to smile as the images of a previous life and love were coming back. He grabbed my hand for few seconds. I could see true sympathy in his eyes.

"It was difficult to recover from a broken bond. The ones experiencing this generally fade. Elves do not die from old age or sickness. But we can die from severe injury or grief. Yet, I did not. It meant there was maybe another life for me. And indeed, look at me now!"

"Well, I'm glad you didn't." He squeezed my hand and I felt warm. "Okay, I guess we're done with the sad stuff for tonight." I approved. He released my hand and I felt like I would have preferred he didn't. We kept on chatting for a couple of minutes, and then headed to our personal quarters.

-º-º-º-

With time, I got more involved in different off world missions, with Major Lorne's or Col. Sheppard's team. Quickly, I had my first, real encounter with the Wraith. Equipped with whole new gear, I was not afraid anymore. I was able to fight them, and I fought them hard.

One day, we were ambushed in the forest on the way back to Atlantis. More Wraith were coming at us. Ronon and Teyla were ahead, helping some villagers and leading them to the Jumper, which was cloaked and waited at the forest border. Colonel Sheppard and I were closing the way. Our position received many shots from the Wraith and it was getting worse. I could not see how we'd manage to reach the Jumper alive. I could guess its location, but more Wraith kept coming from all directions.

Col. Sheppard was next to me, and we were shooting heavy fire at them.

"We can't hold 'em off any longer!" he yelled at me.

Then an idea hit me. The trees. I jumped to reach a bottom branch and climbed on it. I called the Colonel from there. He did not quite understand, but once he saw me up there, I lent him a hand and helped him to climb up. Men are not used to trees. I crushed him against the trunk, preventing him from falling.

"What the hell…" I put my hand over his mouth to silence him. He clasped my waist so he would not lose his balance.

A group of Wraith were arriving, but now up in this dense tree, they would be unable to see us. They were just underneath us and did not seem to detect our presence. We waited there without moving and barely breathing the time they passed by.

"That was close," he whispered as the Wraith were leaving.

For a couple of seconds, we stayed in this position, and our eyes spoke volumes. I could feel his warmth even through the vests and uniforms. His hands, still pressed on my waist, were bringing me closer.

I would have kissed him. It was a strange feeling. This man awoke something in me. I felt it immediately.

I would have kissed him. He was my commandant; the head of the team. It was forbidden, wrong. But I could barely resist to his lips getting closer to mine, his hands around my waist.

I could have kissed him. Then our radios clicked; Teyla was looking for us. Instead, we backed up, and carefully jumped down on the ground, and ran swiftly to the jumper.

I thought over and over about that moment the following night and days back in Atlantis. We had drawn close lately, spending more time together, chatting, training, and sharing food. He was telling me stories about his world; introduced me to some of their music, watching strange epochs of their homeland games. Something was kindled in me.

He was a man, I was an elf. He was my captain. It was not supposed to happen.


	7. Chapter 6: Ice

**Chapter 6: Ice**

We passed through the Stargate and arrived to M7C-243. A thick snow mantle covered the ground. The sky was grey and a cold wind did not seem to blow the clouds away. The landscape was truly beautiful, yet mostly flat around us; it was spreading wide and white up to large mountains forming an imposing arena around the field where the Gate was anchored. Only a pure white mantle as far as the eye can see.

"Oh, really! Was it supposed to be like this?" Dr. McKay spat out as he tried to adjust his jacket's collar tightly around his neck.

"Come on, Rodney, shake it off! It's just a little bit of snow. I thought you had snow in Canada." Col. Sheppard always enjoyed a good opportunity to mock him.

"Of course we have! But we have at least decent means to deal with it!"

"The village is not far this direction. It should take less than an hour to arrive." Teyla pointed and started to walk in the snow. Ronon giggled at Dr. McKay and followed her. Both seemed quite comfortable with the weather.

"Come on, Rodney! Keep up!" Col. Sheppard exchanged an amused look with me and I followed him. I was hearing Dr. McKay complaining but following.

We arrived at the village and met with Teyla's contact. He was the head of the settlement there. The habitation consisted of small round houses, which seemed to be made of ice. Only a few stone structures where visible. There must have been no trees around to get some construction wood. This part of the planet should not benefit of a milder weather later in the year.

The people were kind but their faces were rough, their skin thick, and worn out by the cold winds. The life here should not be easy every day. But they looked quite happy. Our coming seemed to be an event to celebrate. They asked us to stay and they served us food and drinks.

Dr. McKay was frowning as he saw the platter of raw fish presented to us. He reluctantly took few bites, encouraged by Teyla. Obviously, we could not refuse a welcome gift, particularly when it is food. Ronon seemed to enjoy their local alcohol and was happily cheering with the village's leader.

Fortunately, they have not encountered the Wraith for a long time, for some generation according to them. They were simple people with very few means of defence, so this was indeed good news. They also did not seem to be technologically advanced: their medicine was poor, the climate surely not improving their development. Many of them suffered from diseases that the modern men could treat, so naturally we offered our medical assistance.

Colonel Sheppard gathered all of us later. There was no need to stay any longer. He would wait here for Dr. Beckett and his medical team and settle them. Dr. McKay looked honestly happy to leave this planet.

"Okay, so you tell Carson to hurry up anyway. It's not like they had TV and all here." My brows should have knitted for Col. Sheppard felt like adding an explanation. "There is not much to do! Except eating fish… and drinking their booze."

"Oh! I could stay with you if you wish." I gave a look at the fish platter, which was really not very inviting.

"You won't be freezing too much?"

"My kind is not much affected by the cold. I think I can do more than survive."

He smiled and nodded, and then turned his attention to the others. "Ok, no comma kids, go now, no comma and send Carson."

"We'll radio you when they will be ready to leave Atlantis," Teyla added. She smiled to us and gave her farewell to the Head of the village.

We were waiting in one of the igloos, as Col. Sheppard called it. Some children had joined us and he was entertaining them. It was not the first time that I witnessed such a scenario. He was a good man, and gentle with kids, having this natural way to communicate with them. I admired that. Children, particularly human ones were a mystery to me. Elves live long and generally have very few offspring when they settle as couples. I have never been much around young ones and always end up feeling a bit uncomfortable.

One of the villagers came in and gathered the children. According to him, a storm was about to come and everyone should get prepared. We became immediately concerned. We still had not heard from Atlantis.

"How bad is this storm?" John asked the man.

"Usual storm; a lot of wind and snow. The only problem is the duration: they last generally at least three days. So we just need to be prepared. But we will be safe." The villager was quite relaxed.

John turned to me. "We can't afford to stay stuck here. We should head back before Carson arrives and checks on the village." John turned to the man. "How long before the storm hits?"

"I would say two hours." He nodded.

"Okay. I think we should head back and have our medical team return after the storm. Do you think things are gonna hold here in the meantime?"

"Yes, yes! We have had many storms like this a month during this time of the year. We will be fine." The jolly Man shook our hands and we took our leave.

Outside, howling winds were already blowing, swirling and forming clouds of snow. It was fighting hard against us as we tried to advance. We had to cover our faces in order to breathe. The amount of snow was already quite challenging and every step we took was a small victory.

"No wonder we didn't hear from Atlantis! This storm would block any radio signal!" the colonel was yelling, and I was barely hearing him.

"It's pretty violent indeed! We cannot even see where to go!"

"We have this!" He was mentioning the device he was holding, which was calculating our position and path. I came near and he told me how it works. "The Stargate should be that way! We have to keep moving!"

I nodded and followed his lead. After a few steps, the ground felt weird. I reached to the colonel's shoulder and halted him.

"Colonel! The ground seems unstable here. We should take another path!"

"What?" The blizzard was deafening. He made two steps toward me and we heard a crack coming from underneath. "Oh crap!" It was the last thing I heard before the ground broke under our feet.

I lost consciousness for a little while. I found myself underground, surrounded by ice. A crack many feet above revealed where the ice had broken under our feet. We had fallen in a crevasse, quite large yet the shelf of ice on which we landed on did not seem too stable. Next to me, Colonel Sheppard recovered from the fall.

"Are you all right, Colonel?" He looked out of sorts and moaned as he tried to get into a sitting position.

"I think I cracked a few ribs, crap!" he was rubbing his side and swore again.

"Stay still, don't try to move." I kneeled next to him, removed my vest, and placed it under his head. "It was a bad fall. And it does not seem we can climb up there. I don't see a way." I tried to call Atlantis on the radio, if per chance Dr Carson's team had already arrived, but I could hear only background noise. "They should be coming soon and we'll call for help."

"If they can reach us. It looks bad."

"Just try to relax; help will come. Where does it hurt?"

"Right here." He showed me his left side. "There's not much to do. I'll be alright."

"Let me see." I unzipped his vest and his jacket and carefully slipped a hand above his rib. I tried to let my touch be gentle.

"Whatcha doin'?"

"Elves have a soothing touch; try to relax and breathe softly." I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate for few seconds.

"Woah… it's… working! It's better! How did you do that?" He looked up at me with amazement and I smiled. I let my hand apposed like this for few minutes and zipped his jacked back up. He had to keep his warmth.

We waited for minutes, which turned into hours, checking time to time with the radio without success. Colonel's Sheppard condition was not so good. His lips were blue and he was shaking from the cold, his injury not helping. He was getting too cold.

"They will send a rescue team, it won't be long." I kneeled next to him and rubbed his arms.

"Look, the storm is raging…" his teeth were chattering and he was shivering uncontrollably from cold.

"Shhh, keep your strength; we have to keep you warm for the time being, okay?" I rolled him to his right side and leaned next to him. I unzipped his jacket and mine, and tried to push the fabric away as much as I could. I pressed myself against him tightly in order to seal the space between us. I brought his face against my neck and his contact was like ice on my skin. He was shivering in my arms and I embraced him snugly.

"Thank you," he whispered, and wrapped his arm around me.

"You need my heat now; I am the only source of warmth around. They will come soon… they will come soon."

I tried to keep myself from looking at the time too often. Still no sign of rescue and the radio stayed sadly silent to my calls.

"How come you're not freezing?" he mumbled against my neck with a quavering voice.

"My kind is not as affected by the cold as yours, remember?"

"So I'm kinda lucky having you here, uh?"

"Maybe… worry not, they will come soon." I kept on repeating this sentence to myself also, for my hope was fading as time passed. I was rubbing his back and head. He squeezed me and I felt his lips moving, but he was not talking. The sweet contact of his frozen lips was weird, but nice, so I let them move, closing my eyes.

This was wrong, but the whole situation was wrong. His heartbeat had quickened, and I suddenly became conscious of my breast pressed against his chest, our breathing synchronized. I sensed his head lifting up and my eyes opened to meet his. I could not tell what I saw, whether it was distress, gratitude or yearning. Releasing his gaze was difficult. This was wrong and I lowered my face. I felt his lips closing on my eye, his breathing was short.

Some minutes passed and we did not move. And against the odds, my radio switched on. A rescue team was there and had detected us under the ice.

-º-º-º-

I came in the infirmary; Colonel Sheppard was laying on a bed, resting. He had been quite lucky, we both had been. He smiled as I approached.

"Hey, my own personal space heater!"

"I see you are well." I tried hard not to blush.

"I've been better, but I'm gonna be okay. Thanks to you."

I smiled and felt a bit shyness, remembering our closeness. I grabbed his hand and pressed it.

"I am glad to see you well. I should let you rest now."

Col. Sheppard kept my hand as I backed up. We exchange an intense look for seconds. Eventually he let me go.


	8. Chapter 7: Kindled

**Chapter 7: Kindled**

I was taking some fresh air by the balcony. The off world trip this day has been demanding. Colonel Sheppard's and Major Lorne's team had left for a simple exploration of a new planet. Many indices pointed to the possibility that an Ancient device could have used a ZPM. We found one, moreover not completely depleted. One thing that Dr. McKay had not foreseen is that the ZPM was still powering some control mechanisms. After its removal from the device, the ground shook violently. Plugging the ZPM back did not resolve the quakes. We ran for our lives and escaped what became a true apocalypse. The module should have controlled the stability of the device and of the Gate. We were barely able to dial home. Once back in Atlantis, the Gate on the planet never activated again when dialled. Dr. Weir was very angry with Dr. McKay. I've never seen her so upset, speaking so scathingly. Col. Sheppard took the defence of Dr. McKay, claiming responsibility for the actions of all his team members. It was courageous. He was a true leader.

I inhaled the air - pure and sweet - on the balcony. My lungs were taking it avidly as if they were extracting some sort of energy from it. I could distinguish the stars in the dark sky, stars that I was getting to know, forming a different layout. Different stars, but. . . were those ones also kindled by Varda? Overall, it was the sea: the sound of the waves, even crashing over metal and glass, the cries of the gulls. This balcony - close to the personal quarters - was rising a few yards above the water. Here the great sea was lying below my feet, comforting and not calling.

I drew in one last breath before returning to my quarters and starting a long sleepless night. Humans need this long period of deep sleep, unlike we do. Yet since the Wraith attack in Lórien, my short nights have been disturbed by shadowed dreams and shallow sleep.

As I turned to go, the doors opened. It was without surprise that I saw Colonel Sheppard.

"Hey, takin' a breath before the night?" Colonel Sheppard looked more relaxed than few hours ago.

"Indeed." I welcomed him with a smile

"Do you come here often?" He had joined me at the border.

"Almost every evening; Teyla showed me few days ago. This place is really peaceful."

After a short silence, Col. Sheppard continued, "So you like it here finally?"

"It is very different from my world. Your culture, your technology, your… everything!"

"Yeah, it must be confusing, I guess." 

"It is. I like it, do not be mistaken. Yet sometimes I feel… a bit alone… and lost. I miss the trees and the forest."

"Hey, you are not alone, you have us! You should have told me earlier." Gently, his hand covered mine, which was lying on the railing. His touch was warm and comforting. I answered with a light smile. I was totally aware of the weight of his hand on mine.

For few seconds, we kept looking at each other without word. He eventually broke the silence.

"Listen, we will go to the main land tomorrow with Teyla. She needs help to bring back some Athosian stuff to the city. Maybe you could… join us and we could have a walk in the forest."

"Oh yes, with great pleasure! Thank you Colonel." I squeezed the hand that was still holding mine. He smiled and I could see him observing me. Then his hand left. I realized I instantly missed his contact. But it went to wrap my cheek.

"You glow in the night." His voice was more of a whisper. His hand was caressing my cheek and my ear.

"Elven skin has a glow…" My voice broke and I shivered as his fingers touched the tip of my ear.

He considered me for a while before he started to caress me again. He stepped forward, so close, I could feel his warmth.

"I've never met anyone like you."

"Of course you have not…"

"You know what I mean." His look was quite serious.

"Don't play with me, John Sheppard." My tone was rather stern.

"I'm not playing…"

"Within the last months, I've got to know you. I've got to see you behaviour and you are a good and charming man. But an incorrigible flirt, as well. I am no woman, nor another conquest, and moreover I am a member of your team."

"Look, I can't honestly deny the things you've said. But it does not mean that there's nothing more to me as a person. If you've indeed gotten to know me, at least some part, you know I play no games."

"How do I?"

"I guess you're gonna have to trust me on this."

I stared at him for a moment, wondering about the situation I was walking into.

"Don't you think that - considering the situation - I haven't done at least some thinking?" He seemed fairly honest.

I can protect myself on the battlefield. I can defend or attack. However in front of him, I was disarmed, and going his way meant getting exposed.

"I know you want this as much as I do, so just… trust me."

I hesitated. But he was scanning my eyes and my mouth, until his other hand came to cup my face, bringing his lips on mine.

He was warm and tender; delicate, holding me like a fragile object. I felt a pulse travelling down my spine. Automatically, I embraced him, reaching his shoulder blades, bringing him even closer. It was true; I wanted more than a gentle kiss. So I pressed my lips stronger. I felt him responding immediately as one hand reached my nape; his kiss deepening, his tongue searching for mine.

A dance I thought I had forgotten with years - decades - came back so naturally. His kiss was hot and demanding, insistent yet subtle. His strokes were daring, his hands roaming down on my back and hips as mine discovered his body as well. I felt my core burning, yearning for his touch and more. I moaned when his lips descended to my neck, one hand tilting my head, safely secured in my hair.

This felt so good, so right. Since the time I've been taken from my home, I felt finally alive. The kisses seemed to last for hours, I had lost track of time. I was awakened by the fire lit inside me and got rewarded by the one I saw in his eyes. His body was leaning on mine and both of us were aware of our obvious desire.

"We should go somewhere more private maybe," I whispered in his ear. I could not prevent myself to laugh in my head every time I looked at their pointing shape.

A wicked smile flashed on his lips. "I did not dare to suggest that." And he kissed me passionately. I let myself melt again in his arms.

Then freeing myself from his embrace, I grabbed his shirt and pulled him forward to follow me down the corridors. We walked fast to reach the personal quarters, looking discretely around for curious eyes. We almost arrived, only few feet far from the entrance of my quarters - my head was still spinning of excitement and desire - when we heard a familiar voice behind us.

"Ah, Colonel Sheppard, I'm glad to catch you before the night." 

"McKay!" We both turned to him, trying to look neutral.

"I… I wanted to thank you again for today. I know I have to learn to be more thoughtful regarding others… and you of course, hem. I wanted to say that I really appreciated your support in front of Dr. Weir, it means a lot to me."

"Well, thank you, Rodney. Good night."

"Yes, yes, sure, goodnight. Oh, are you heading somewhere? I was thinking of being… social tonight. Yes, I have decided to be more open toward others. Listening and sharing, yes, that's it."

"We… were… I was walking this lady back to her quarters…" he gestured awkwardly at me.

"How nice of you! Really! So you are then free for… socializing, with a beer or so?"

"Well…"

"I think I will go to bed now. Goodnight gentlemen. See you tomorrow at the jumper bay, Colonel?"

My initial intense frustration dissipated as I was watching the scene. Dr. McKay was an odd fellow and seeing the Colonel's obvious discomfort was actually pretty fun to watch. I almost laughed as I noticed his speechless expression and his jaw falling as I took my leave.

"Of course. goodnight," he succeeded to answer. Dr. McKay gave me his respects as well and I opened the door of my quarters. The last scene I saw was Dr. McKay entraining Col. Sheppard, who did not look very enthusiastic.

For the first time since long, my night has been quiet. The memory of our kisses, his warmth, and his smell nourished my sleep. It was a long time since my body had not vibrated like this.


	9. Chapter 8: Power Up

**Chapter 8: Power Up**

The next morning, I met Col. Sheppard, Teyla and few others at the Jumper bay. I noticed a sort of excitement in Teyla that I've never seen before. I've actually never seen her among her people. The way she talked about them revealed a strong bond linking them. Her happiness today was palpable. My heart hurt as I thought of my own people. But when I raised my eyes to him, I felt a comforting wave taking me. He smiled warmly and his eyes searched in mine for few seconds. I felt relieved.

We flew to the main land and reached the Athosian camp in less than an hour. The two jumpers landed and, Teyla's kinsmen's immediately welcomed us. We spent some hours changing bags of goods in the Jumpers in exchange for boxes containing different supplies that we brought from the city. Once we were done, Teyla had vanished among her people, so we all decided to get some time for ourselves; the day was too beautiful not to enjoy it.

Col. Sheppard walked over to me and I noticed he carried a bag on his shoulder.

"So, how about our walk in the forest? Are you ready?"

"More than you think, yes. But you don't need to burden yourself with equipment. We will not go far if we are to be returning in two hours."

"Well, you never know. Let's go." I quickly read some excitement in his eyes before he covered them with glasses. Humans are undeniably a peculiar race.

We were chatting as we walked, but I couldn't really concentrate on the conversation. The song of the trees was strong, different to the ones I know, but beautiful. I was resourcing at their contact, aware of all the sounds of the forest. I was myself again. More songs kept coming back from a distant past: songs about my ancestors leaving Lindon, crossing the Blue Mountains, and trekking through Eriador to cross more mountains, before reaching Lórien; songs of our Silvan people celebrating the blooming of the Golden Wood, celebrating the Lady of the Light, and celebrating Elbereth Gilthoniel.

"Dëna, you don't listen to me!"

"Excuse me?" I had realized that Col. Sheppard has stopped few yards behind me.

"Where are you gone?"

"I am just here! What a question!"

"I mean your mind, in your head!" He pointed at his own.

I chuckled and looked around me. "With them." I gestured at the trees.

"I've kind of guessed. So how about we stop for a while and enjoy our friends, the trees."

"You are mocking me!" Col. Sheppard was taking out a bottle of water and a food container from his bag. "You have foreseen well, John Sheppard. I am indeed thirsty and a bit hungry."

"See?" He had sat on a piece of grass exposed to the sun and I joined him as he took out the goods.

We shared the water that was oddly still cold; humans definitely invented convenient devices. We ate some fruits I've seen in the city, tasting both sweet and acidic. I recognized that they were indeed very good and refreshing. After few bites, I reclined on the grass, closed my eyes, and let the sun wash over me. The smell of the forest was intoxicating.

I heard Col. Sheppard managing with his bag, and then felt him laying next to me. When I opened my eyes, he was leaning over his belly right next to me. Supported by the elbows, he was watching me.

"You definitely look happier than in the city."

"I am. I am regenerating now. I needed this so much, thank you."

"You're welcome."

He stroked my hair gently and with the other hand, moved a lock of hair behind my ear, brushing its tip and smiled as I shivered. He captured my head and kissed me softly first, then deeply. I could not prevent some moans as I felt his body leaning over mine, finding its place and connected instantaneously. Some bodies do match into a perfect fit, in a way they immediately get; two pieces forming a single one. Some will never really find each other. With him, it felt so natural. So I let myself go in the moment, vibrating under his touch and melting at his burning kisses, which were then flowing down my neckline.

I yearned to be kissed and touched. My hands travelled over his shoulders and torso; strong muscles were moving underneath. The call of the skin was strong. His mouth explored where the tunic opened on my chest and some expert fingers were pushing the fabric aside, exposing the top of my breasts to the sun and to his eager lips. I could not shut down my sighs.

As he came back to steal my lips, he grabbed my thigh, and his hips went pressing on mine; his obvious desire increasing mine. Our breath was getting short and my heart raced. Then I heard the click of his radio, sending him some transmission. He paused and answered briefly. He next turned his attention back to me, stroking my head and posing few light kisses on my lips.

"We have to go back?" I was not really asking a question, more a confirmation of what I suspected.

"We have to be back at the Jumper in less than an hour. So we should… take off soon." He kept searching in my eyes for few seconds. "I want more than some time with you on the grass. Will I see you tonight?"

"You may," I said playfully.

"I may?" He laughed, and captured my lips again, his hand reaching once more to my hip that he pressed on his.

Men have a lesser and different strength than elves have. But he had the one of a warrior, and yet his moves were fluid and soft. I could sense his energy and all I could feel from him was arousing my senses.

As his mouth approached my ear, he whispered between kisses, "We should go back very soon."

"Okay."

"Or I won't be able to control myself anymore." I could see a fire burning in his eyes.

"Then let us go now."

I saw my hand caressing his face, his hair, unable to answer to my command to stop. Fortunately, he caught it and kissed its palm. He kept it as he stood up and pulled me up with him. Grabbing my waist, he brought me against him and I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him again.

I never thought I could be infatuated with a man. This was not my culture; the ways of my people. I remember the tales depicting such stories: Lúthien with Beren, Idril with Tuor, Arwen with Aragorn, and I could not understand them. This man was different of all those I've encountered before. Something connected; something told me it was right.

We eventually headed our way back to the Jumpers. My ears were trying to capture all the sounds of the forest; each tree, each bird, the breeze; I tried to remember everything, and taking a part of it with me back to the city of the ancestors of men.

John and I were chatting on the trail; he wondered much about my world, about our relationship with the nature. I guess he tried to picture it, to understand. It was very foreign to him.

We arrived at the border of the forest; the trail was opening on the clearing where the two Jumpers awaited.

"All right! It looks like we're back right on time," John said with a quick look at his watch.

"Yes, we are." Without thinking, I had stopped; my hands were travelling on the tree in front of me. I could almost feel the sap flowing under the bark.

"Hey, we'll be back!" John had made his way over to me.

I leaned against the trunk, waiting for him to come closer, and he did. I was happily imprisoned between the tree and his body, fuelled by both vital energies running under their skins. My tongue searched for his and found it immediately, dancing and teasing. We held each other for a time; I was breathing his scent. It was time to go.

.

* * *

><p><strong>Note<strong>:

Sorry for not be able to post for a while but I was just lucky enough to find a new beta who helped me revising the whole thing. Thanks again Lady Demiya :)


	10. Chapter 9: When Night Came

**Chapter 9: When Night Came**

It was an uneventful dinner, during which I exchanged few conniving looks with Col. Sheppard, suggesting we awaited for the night to come. The dinner seemed to last forever. I patiently listen to the stories that Teyla told about her people; they were very dear to her. I could have thought of mine, but my mind was disturbed by the man sitting in front of me. Having his presence so close was tickling my senses.

Elves are a passionate race, both in love and war. Our feelings get exacerbated easily. We live for centuries; millennia for the luckiest, but we remain quick-tempered regarding these matters.

I looked at this man, and all that I wanted and needed was he. The dinner was over and everyone was heading to her or his evening plans. We walked back to our personals quarters, chatting on the way. We were not alone, so when I gave my evening respects, I sent him an inviting look. I knew he understood when I saw a mischievous smile across his face.

Through the window of my quarters, I was observing the stars shining in the dark sky. This day, I have been reconnected to my roots, to the trees; I felt alive. I couldn't say what of the time in the forest, or the romantic situation was responsible of my state, but I felt alive and happy. I was humming a song that came back in my head, as if the trees did plant a seed in my mind.

… "_Fanuilos heryn aglar Rîn athar annún-aearath,_

_Calad amen i reniar mi 'aladhremmin ennorath! _

_A Elbereth Gilthoniel! i chin a thúl…"_

The chime echoing in my room informed me of someone waiting by the door. I passed my hand over the controller and the door opened. He was there, standing in front of me, his eyes speaking volumes. Without a word, he stepped in and seized my face. The kiss was burning my lips and told all about the desire we had for each other. I pulled him toward me, entraining him inside the room.

He was crushing his body on mine, caressing my waist, hips, and thighs. I could guess the muscles moving underneath his shirt; I needed to feel his skin. My heart had raced beyond control. I passed my hands under the fabric, and the skin I touched was soft and warm, covering strong muscles. I kept pushing his shirt up until it was off and on the floor. Muscular torso, shoulders, and arms were wrapping me; his body was beautiful; it was the one of a warrior. With an obvious determination, he started to open my tunic, his lips welcoming the flesh exposed.

One after the other, our clothes dropped to the floor. He laid me down on the bed and as his palms were stroking my skin; he stared at me for few seconds.

"Whoa, you look like an angel!" he whispered.

I chuckled at his comment that I did not understand, but he sincerely looked amazed.

We are called the Fair Folk and we honestly deserve this designation. Eru has gifted us with a fair luminescent skin, lithe, yet strong body and beauty. Few times only in our history have men and elves joined. It was not the ways of the elves. But for me and in my situation, none of this mattered anymore. This was my life now, among men, and I wanted this one more than anything.

So I brought him very close to me. Aware of every inch of my naked body under his, I whispered to his lips "I want you, John Sheppard".

Consumed by desire and hunger, our bodies danced together and matched into a perfect fit. I sighed as I revelled in his contact. Waves of pleasure were coursing all over my body. I was transported into another world; a world of bliss where he brought me to the brink and pushing me over into a sea of ecstasy, over and over.

I had lost track of time. Pausing to catch a breath, our yearning was still nourished by the fire we were seeing in each other's eyes. I could not say when we eventually tired, but I remember the feeling of being nested in his arms, worn out and light. His eyes were on mine, our lips brushing time to time; I have not been so happy for a very long time.

"You alright?" He passed a hair lock behind my ear.

"I feel so good, complete." My fingers caressed his forehead, tracing the line of his eyebrows down to his jaw.

"Look, I… I've never… been…" He sounded uneasy, so I put my fingers over his mouth.

"You don't have to say anything. No words. Simple is good."

"Alright." He kissed me deeply. "We should get some sleep"

"We should." As he lied on his back, I leaned over his torso. His arm around my waist came securing my position. I let his heartbeat and breathing pace me and I drifted into sleep.

-º-º-º-

I woke up with the sun rising. It was still early. I had not moved an inch from his grip. John's breathing was deep and regular. I did not want to wake him, so I tried not to move. My mind came back to the last hours, and I started to think on how things would go. I was often a member of his team. Obviously, he did not seem to see it as an inconvenient. I felt a sort of connection as soon as we met, and he never refrained to make advances, which I finally did not refuse. I felt his breathing change. By the time I rose my head, he had already awoken.

"Hey!" he whispered.

"Good morning." I crawled on top of him and kissed him. Strong arms embraced me and I relished the feeling of being enclosed. Then he seized my nape and waist and rolled over me. Kisses trailed down on my neck, breast, and belly. And before he captured back my mouth, I saw desire burning inside him. So my hips looked for his, my legs wrapped around his waist, and our bodies found each others. And we consumed each other again.

We stayed some long minutes, cuddled up against each other. I was breathing in his scent and felt it would be painful to leave his embrace, loose the contact with his skin and his lips. I was enthralled, bewitched. At some point, his watch produced a sound; it was the signal telling that the day had started and we would be called to our daily duties.

"It sounds like I will have to go soon." He was caressing my head, watching me tenderly. "We both go off world today."

"I remember." I did not want to bring this conversation up, but I needed to know how things would go by now. I unintentionally lowered my head while I was thinking.

"You look worried all of a sudden. Lorne told me it was a pretty simple op. Just make friends with potential trade partners."

"I know. I do not worry for this mission."

"So what is it about?" He must have read into me as his eyes widened a bit. "Oh! Do you think we can't do that?"

"I hope we can. I know my place. I've been a warden for the last five centuries, so I will stay professional."

"I'm sure you will. And I tend to forget you're a bit older than me." He kissed me playfully.

We stopped our foreplays when his watch ticked again. I watched him gathering his clothes and getting dressed. After a last fiery kiss, he was gone.


	11. Chapter 10: Bliss

**Chapter 10: Bliss **

I arrived at the locker room to get ready for the mission of the day; I needed some new magazines for my P90. I laughed in my head as I was seeing myself handling all those modern weapons as if I have done it all my life. When I thought of it, it was strange how fast I got used to them and to the technology of the modern men. But as a wood elf, I still missed my own weapons, bow, knives and sword, even if their efficiency cannot compare to these weapons.

I had refilled my tack vest with different items and was attaching my riffle when someone lent me a knife. I immediately recognized these fingers and arm.

"You should get one of them. They can be pretty handy in some situations."

I unsheathed the knife. It was small and thick, its tip a bit curved and the blade was sculpted with many teeth.

"Interesting." I smiled at John.

"You will love it!" He looked at me playfully and I chortled. He extended his hand to my jaw, his thumb brushing over my lips. His eyes, I could have looked into them for the rest of eternity. As his hand was caressing by face, I thought that few hours ago, this same hand was roaming on my skin, his body making love to mine.

I washed away these thoughts when the others entered in the room. We regained a neutral behaviour. Dr. McKay was complaining about today's mission. I was not very surprised. I've gotten to know him through the many months I had already spent in Atlantis. He was a good man, yet complicated and quite childish. But when it came to technology, I guess the word genius would be appropriate. I had already seen him saving the lives of many thanks to his knowledge. The first impression he gave was that of a very pretentious person, but I knew he was big-hearted.

Teyla was very patient with him. She always tried to understand his point of view, defending herself fairly and making things go for the best. I had a lot of respect for her. Among everyone here, she was the closest one can be to an elf. She had a rare wisdom that few human have. We shared numbers of moral principles and a quite similar way to see the world around us.

Our mission was easy and passed without incident. We made contact with the local people who welcomed us decently. They did not have very advanced technology and did not seem much interested in what we had to offer. They seemed interested by weapons only. This was not our politic. Trading with them did not seem an eventuality. They had had many encounters with the Wraith since the last months, and we could not ignore this. They might need our help at some point. Moreover, having allies is always important in times of war, and they were worthy to consider. Overall, we did not stay long and headed back to Atlantis by the end of the day.

At dinner, Dr McKay complained again about the planet we had visited. He had fallen into a pond full of mud and found himself pretty unhappy. Yet, the more he complained, the more we laughed. I don't think he took it badly; John was making fun of him the whole evening. He particularly enjoyed making him grumble.

Later in the evening, the chime resonated in my quarters. I urged my steps to the controller. As soon as the doors opened, he immediately grasped me strongly. He kissed me hungrily, stealing my breath, and transported me directly to my bed where he literally threw me.

His desire was almost animal-like and called my own. He undid the ties of my tunic in a hurry as I was passing his black shirt over his shoulders. Half naked over me, he ravished my mouth again, leaving it only to let us breathe. I merely succeeded to grab his head and looked into his eyes, darkened by his yearning. But he escaped and devoured my neck and breasts.

"What have you eaten tonight?" My breath was getting short as he was taking care of unclasping my trousers. They did not resist long and quickly I felt the fresh air taking the place of the fabric. But the warmth of his hands and mouth quickly heated my body. His teasing was leading me to the brink of madness and I could not prevent my sighs; his caresses drove me to the sky. Eventually he got slowly back up to my lips.

"I thought about this the whole day," he whispered against my lips. I chuckled and placed one hand on his chest. I pushed him aside and rolled over him, my knees catching his hips. On top, I was in control. He raised his chest to meet my lips and I allowed a kiss for few seconds before harshly sending him back on the bed. He looked surprised for a second, but smiled as he saw my mischievous expression. I lowered and took control of his mouth, my tongue playing with his own and his upper lip, and then heading to his neck, alternating kissing and biting. I was intoxicated by the smell of his skin. Elves have very developed senses compared to men. Smells and sensations can be overwhelming in certain situations and it was definitely the case by then. I trailed down kisses on his chest, playing with his nipples, but did not linger and continued until I reached the belt of his trousers.

He raised his head as my hands were working, teasing him as I was getting rid of the last cloths. I suggestively crooked an eyebrow. I heard him sighing 'Oh man' and he let himself fall back on the cushions. I was eager to please him. His moans were telling me all I needed to know about his current state. It was said that men are not as beautiful and generously endowed as elves are, but this one had no reason to envy my kin. I did not want to consume all his energy at once, so I released him, and crawled over him, and embraced his whole body. My dominion did not last long. He flipped me over and took control, muffling my sighs with his mouth. We made love as if there was no tomorrow. We consumed our bodies until we could not scream anymore, until the last ounce of energy.

When I finally collapsed on his torso, I thought my heart would not hold on much longer. His breathing was helpless too. He was holding me tight and posed gentle kisses on my head. We slowly calmed down and slipped into reverie.

I woke up this night. I watched him sleeping next to me. He looked so peaceful. I remember whispering: "What have you done to me, John Sheppard." I tenderly stroked his hair. He opened one eye and brought me against him, well secured in his arms. He moaned softly and we fell asleep again.


	12. Chapter 11: Popcorn

**Chapter 11: Popcorn **

When I opened my eyes the next morning, my left arm was numb. John's grip was strong and I did not escape the circle of his arms. He woke up briefly, kissed the top of my head, and went back to sleep. I wished we could stay like this forever. Outside his hold, nothing existed. So I enjoyed his laziness and allowed myself to doze off.

This morning his watch did not ring and it was already late when we surfaced. It started with indolent caresses and tender kisses until our senses awoke. Gentle strokes became more sustained, lips became hungrier, tongues started to coax. His stamina was great and my craving strong.

Soon, my room was filled again with our moaning. This time, his eyes did not leave mine. Like two opponents in a duel who never cease to track each other, we made love; our pupils locked until we screamed.

Later, he was stroking my head, pushing the hair aside my face as we recovered. His eyes were telling the words he did not utter. John was a man of few words and this was fine with me. I swiped away the beads of sweat from his forehead and he kissed me softly before resting over me, letting his breathing calm down. I loved feeling the weight of his body crushing mine, forcing my chest muscles to work harder in order to breathe. I loved the smell of his skin, which intoxicated my head. Having him here all to myself was a marvel. I was thanking the Valar for having the chance to meet him. And I knew that, anyhow, everything would be all right.

Several minutes passed until we spoke. Our eyes were our way to communicate. Simple is good.

"We both don't go off world today. So… we could take time to relax." John obviously looked cosy still leaning over me, tracing lines around my breasts.

"Sure. What about going to the main land?"

"Are you kidding me? It's raining!"

"And? We will not melt."

"Huh! No we won't! But we'll be wet!" He pretended to be annoyed. "So… I thought of something different." His eyes were kindled. "Do you know popcorn?" He had raised his chest and looked like a mischievous child.

"What?"

"That's what I thought. So… we could do something that is kind of a tradition when it rains on a Sunday…" 

"We are not on Sunday."

"Whatever! When it rains, it's a good time to watch a movie and have popcorn!"

"If you say so. Is it fun?"

"It is fun and delicious."

"I cannot refuse."

"Alright. Let's get some stuff to eat, get popcorn and watch this movie." He kissed me soundly. "Why don't we meet at the mess hall? I need to do something before." He had already started to collect his clothes. Once he was almost done dressing again, he came back to the bed. He gave me few kisses while I caressed his chest. He stopped in order to look at me and lowered briefly his head. He looked troubled.

"I have to see Elizabeth."

"Okay."

"I think I have to tell her…" He gestured at him and me. "You know… I don't want her to learn… by gossips…"

"Is it a problem after all?" I was suddenly concerned and pushed myself in a sitting position.

"No! It's just, you know, the teams, this stuff…" He scratched uneasily at his head. John was definitely terrible with talking about such topics. I was no better.

"You can assign me to Major Lorne's team exclusively."

"We're not there yet! I'm just… gonna… tell her first." He tried to look convincing.

"Okay."

"Okay!" He grabbed my face and kissed me tenderly. "See you at the mess hall then."

"I'll be there." One last kiss and he pulled on his shirt.

-º-º-º-

John met me later on at the cafeteria. He walked purposefully toward me. I had just gathered few things for the lunch and the bag was waiting with me. If he had indeed talked with Dr. Weir, it had been quick. I was a bit apprehensive, but he appeared to be smiling.

"How did it go?"

"Good!" He fetched my hand and pulled it. "Let's get some popcorn now." He looked quite energized.

"That's it? Just good?"

"Yes! Sure!" He did not release my hand, and I followed him.

We took a box of this popcorn thing, a lady of the kitchen had prepared some and I noticed how she was smiling at John. He was indeed a very attractive man and I was obviously not the only one sensitive to his charm.

We then headed to his personal quarters and he was telling me some details about this movie we were about to watch. On our way, we ran into Dr. McKay, who was carrying a small computer. He was obviously preoccupied by something and noticed us only at the last moment. When he raised his head, he looked at us both alternatively.

"Hey! Are you up to something?" He tried hard to appear friendly.

"Kind of; we have a movie to watch. So we better get going." John was pushing my arm forward; he obviously did not want to linger.

"Oh, which movie? It's like a free day for me as well. Even if I am still working on these issue of power spikes in the Zed-PM controllers, which are quite strange and worrying because the system is not supposed to…"

"Well, maybe you should keep on working on this, Rodney." John was still pushing me forward. So I did not wait for him and resumed walking. Yet, I was curious and my elven ears picked up easily on their conversation.

"Oh… I see!" Dr. McKay's sounded irritated. "Sheppard! You can't get the girl all the time. I see what you're trying to do! It's so typical of you! This is not…"

"McKay…"

"No-no-no-no-no! You can't…"

"McKay! I've got the girl." John's voice was calm.

Then I heard Dr. McKay grumbling and John caught up with me. We walked for few yards and I could not resist on commenting have I've overheard.

"So… you've got the girl, uh?"

"You heard that?"

"I am no girl."

"Come on! It's just a way of talking… You're angry?"

I laughed softly. We eventually arrived in front of his door. As he opened it, he gave me a slight slap on the bottom. I pretended to be offended; his eyes were sparkling.

We made some room on his bed and opened the food containers. He had installed his computer on a nearby table and was managing the machine.

We ate while watching the movie. This was all still very strange to me. Yet, I can recognize that movies have this ability to take you away in the story that is told in a quite powerful way. Yet not all the stories I've seen so far were equally interesting. And that one was the worst I've seen.

"John, this story is preposterous!"

"Because something is missing. That's why you need popcorn." He lent me the bowl containing this strange fluffy corn. The smell was interesting. I hesitated a second before picking up one fluff. He nodded, encouraging me to taste it. So I did and realized that it tasted better than it looked. I was quite taken aback.

"See? It's good!"

"Yes, it's not bad. It's interesting." I saw some fake disappointment on his face so I added: "Okay, it is good."

"Told ya." He grabbed a handful and ate it all.

I kept eating popcorn and tried hard to watch this movie, my head resting on his legs. I noticed he was observing me. When I turned my face, he was smiling softly. He switched his position and came leaning next no to me, his arm supporting his head. His eyes were teasing. I was curious to see how long it would take him before kissing me, thus I did not move. Few seconds later, his lips were brushing over mine and his hand travelling over my hip.

I let him kiss me and he chortled. "You taste like popcorn." He had a wicked smile and got back to my lips more hungrily.

I let him kiss me again, but resisting touching him was too challenging. My hand went roaming over his chest as our tongues were dancing softly. I moved the bowl of popcorn aside as he came against me, one hand catching my face, the other caressing me.

It was strange how this man was awaking my desire and craving for him within a touch or a kiss. I understood that we would not watch the rest of the movie when he rolled over me, his yearning so evident.

On this day of laziness, a rainy day, the movie was going on, but we did not care. We were again melting into each other, our bodies blending seeking anything, but the pleasure we shared.


	13. Chapter 12: Time

**Chapter 12: Time **

The following morning, I opened my eyes in his room. I was feeling the sweet fatigue of a short-sleep night. His breath was tickling my neck; my back nested against his chest, always in the grip of his arms. My eyes focused slowly on the clock sitting on the side table. They widened when I realized what time it was.

I was supposed to go off world with his team today and attend a brief meeting with Dr. Weir firsthand.

"John!" We were very late, and I wondered how come I had overslept and did not hear his alarm. I felt him moving. He moaned as he squeezed me and buried his face in my neck. "We have to go! We are late, very late!" I turned and shook him. So he checked the clock and I saw the same surprise on his face.

"Crap!"

We scrambled out of bed and dressed in a hurry. We headed quickly towards the meeting room where everyone was already there. Dr. McKay was talking and he did not stop as we joined them at the table. Only a sharp look from Dr. Weir welcomed John, who pretended not being aware of.

"… and I've taken inventory of these spikes in the Zed-PM power system and they did not show any periodicity. They tend, and I say tend, because it has slightly changed recently, so it tends to happen around noon. But basically, they strangely seem to boost a part of the Zed-PM controller…" Dr. McKay was obviously engaged in a long speech.

"Rodney, can it be any trouble?" Dr. Weir frowned in concern.

"I don't think so."

"You don't think so?"

"Well, no. No trouble, no danger."

"Good. John, I guess your team is ready to go." He nodded without a word. Dr. McKay grumbled but the room was emptying.

We headed to the mission once we got geared up. I felt embarrassed of still wearing the same clothes as the day before. I had to borrow one of the spare uniforms. I've gotten used to wearing some clothes made by the Athosian, which reminded me of my elven warden ones, together with some items of the modern men making. John could not prevent to smile when he saw me dressed unusually.

-º-º-º-

Many weeks have passed. Ordinary and more dangerous missions followed one another. I liked the sort of routine we had, even if it was not routine at all, and my life was nothing but quiet. I enjoyed being able to be part of John or Major Lorne's team, and the free time I had with John. I don't recall a night not shared with him. My attachment for this man kept growing.

One evening as I was nestled against his chest, I was telling him about a story of my previous life. Some details of the operation earlier in the day had reminded me of some past events. Even if fighting for my Golden Wood was nothing compared to the missions of the teams, five centuries of fights and wars made a lot of colourful memories. John was listening to me, commenting only punctually. I felt some tension in him when I mentioned it happened two centuries ago.

"Time is meaningless for you, uh?" he said after a while.

"Why do you say so? We just deal with it differently." I turned to face him.

"I bet you do, when you have an eternity for you." He suddenly looked sad. "Don't you feel it's… weird somehow?"

"What is weird?"

"It's disturbing. Let's face it Dëna, you have lived through centuries and you will go through more. As normal it is to you, this sounds completely crazy to me. In thirty years, you won't be changed at all… I will be an old man, I mean if I survive this long."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… I don't know. What we do, somehow, when you look at it, sounds crazy!"

"Do you want to… cease?" My heart sank in my chest.

"No! I am just wondering where we are going. It's the first time I find myself in a relationship with an immortal girl. It's… unsettling!" He had embraced me again.

"Why don't we take this step by step and enjoy what we have now? What we share is beautiful and very precious to me. You are very precious to me, John Sheppard."

I loved this man. It might have been the first time that it hit me so hard. I loved this man, yet I could not utter the words.

Even Dr. McKay told it once, time is not absolute. Everyone experience it differently, particularly if you are not subdued to it. Elves have centuries; millennia to spend, and our actions and life are not compelled to depend upon it. Men have received the gift of mortality. John laughed the first time he heard this sentence from me. In his mind, we own the gift of eternity. But what does it really mean to have a life without time constraints? How can you keep on enjoying flowers blooming in spring, or the winter snow when you had already seen hundreds of turns of seasons? To my eyes, the life of men is so rich, full, and intense because it is short, too short maybe. And this was exactly what I sensed since I shared the life of the modern men. Time runs fast; life is short. They have this obligation of success in their deeds, for every deed is constrained by time, and they might not get another chance for it in their lifetime. It is a one shot. And it must be right.

Among the three couples of elves and men in my history, all elves gave up their life when their mate passed away. They are all tragic and exceptional stories, involving individuals who have shaped the fate of both men and elves in Middle-earth. This was not my case. And we did not share the same bond, not yet maybe; time would tell. And this time is limited.

-º-º-º-

Two days later, we were visiting potential trade partners on a planet, but they were reluctant. Genii mercenaries often came and threatened them. On that day we were present, they attacked the village and took anything they needed without mercy, terrorizing the people, and killing at will. We ran into them and got in trouble. I quickly understood who was their leader: Acastus Kolya. I could sense John's tension. For the first time, there was something I've never seen in him before, which I did not think I could find. It was hate; a deep hate for Kolya. And according to what he had told me before, I understood how it came to this.

The fight was engaged with their soldiers. John was resolved to kill Kolya, but the Genii were moving fast. They were shooting heavy fire on us and it was getting more and more difficult to stand our position. Slowly, we succeeded to control them, but a group of soldiers - including their chief - was about to run away. I could sense John's frustration as we realized that Kolya was escaping again. He was concentrating on taking down the soldiers firing at us.

From the corner of the eye, I saw Kolya and two of his men running away. Suddenly, he turned back, and I realized he had a clear angle on John, who was turning his back to him. Kolya aimed at him. I yelled John's name but he did not hear me. I yelled again, but did not wait any longer. Kolya was about to shoot him down and I could not let this happen. I ran as faster as I could and threw myself behind him. And I heard the gunshot.

I fell heavily on the ground. John screamed my name and I saw his eyes. I would never forget the expression on his face.

"Dëna! What…" He had kneeled down and his hands searched on my chest and I saw blood on them, my blood. "God… Crap!"

I wanted to talk, but all I could do was cough an excruciating cough. The pain was awful. I tasted blood in my mouth and my sight was getting darker and my body numb. I had been injured many times, by sword or arrows. But this pain was unlike anything I've ever experienced. It was like something had exploded inside my chest.

"It's gonna be okay. Hold on!" John lifted my body and took me in his arms. He called for the others to make it to the Gate. "Hold on! Don't die on me, hold on! We'll be back in Atlantis in no time. Stay with me, Dëna!"

Every cough was all the more painful than the previous and my breathing difficult. I was trying to maintain my grip on him as he was running; transporting me, but my strength was failing. His voice was getting less and less audible, and yet I remember him repeat, "Dëna, don't die on me, please, just don't do that." But all went black.


	14. Chapter 13: The Love of a Man

**Chapter 13: The Love of a Man **

I recall few flashes; Dr Beckett's face, sounds, John's voice, and a deep darkness. Something was strange. There was this odd sensation of being adrift and in peace. It was like I just needed to accept this peace and let go. It seemed so easy and very tempting, but something was still anchoring me. It was shapeless and undefined. But it was strong.

Eventually, I opened my eyes and recognized the infirmary. Immediately, I felt a deep soreness in my chest. Every breath was painful. Then I heard his voice.

"Hey! You scared the hell out of me."

John was holding my hand tightly. He looked drawn, dark rings under his eyes and he had not shaved for some time. He immediately leaned forward and kissed me, caressing my cheek. "Don't you ever do that again!" I remembered Kolya and the gunshot.

"For how long have I been here?" My voice was uncertain; my throat and mouth dry.

"I brought you back four days ago. You took the bullet right in the lung. Dr. Beckett had to operate on you, but then you did not wake up." He kept on gently stroking my head. His voice was low. I smiled lightly.

"Elven healing needs sleep."

"Maybe. But I went crazy. How do you feel? Does it hurt? I call Carson." I had no time to neither answer nor argue.

"Welcome back, sweetheart! We have been worrying for you, dear. Are you in any pain?" Dr. Becket was smiling sincerely.

"I'm fine, thank you, Dr. Beckett." I tried to talk louder, but my chest was painful. I coughed and it got worse.

"Take it easy, love. Here you go." He had injected something in one of the tubings connected to my arm. I immediately felt relieved. "This will help with the pain. You're still quite weak and need some good rest. Not much talking, all right?" I nodded. He eyed to John and left us.

I exhaled and noticed the pain was less. John was still holding my hand and had brought it to his lips. He looked sad.

"I am going to be all right. Worry not. Elves are strong and recover quickly." I tried to cheer him up.

"Why did you do that?" He bore a serious look on his face.

"He would have killed you."

"You shouldn't have done that. It's just…" He had anchored his eyes in mine. "You can't put your life in danger like this."

"You mean, for you?" 

"Yeah, exactly!"

"You would have done the same, and for any of us."

"It was… reckless. You'd have been killed because of me."

"I haven't." Then I understood that there might be something else behind these words. "What is it you really think? What do you fear?"

"Nothing! It's just… It's sometimes not easy to handle." I let him continue. "Look, you and me, the missions, it can mess up a little with our heads sometimes."

"You cannot… manage it?" My heart was sinking.

"I can! I just hope that you can."

"John, what I did, I would have done it for any of us."

"I'm not sure, Dëna."

"Don't you trust me anymore?" I felt a tear rolling down my cheek. I hated showing such weakness. His thumb came to collect the tear. He looked at me more gently.

"I trust you. But, I… you… I care for you, a lot, alright?" He kissed me tenderly.

We stayed a moment like this, browsing our eyes and exchanged light kisses. He looked so tired; I realized that he must have spent the last four days next to this bed.

"When is the last time you slept?" My hand was roaming in his hair.

"Well, some hours ago."

"I mean in your own bed. Go, have some rest."

"I don't want to leave you."

"Please, John, I'll be fine. Go; have a descent dinner and go to bed." He smiled and kissed my hand again.

"I don't want to leave you!"

"Okay. But I might doze off."

"So I'll doze off too." He rested his head next to mine.

The day after, I had a visit from Dr. Weir, as well as the rest of the team. All were very supportive and I felt that I really belonged with them. And it felt good. I was not an outsider anymore. With time, I've integrated this new life, and the shadow of my previous life had become more diffuse. Even if everything around was recalling me all the time that I did not come from this world, life here was good.

-º-º-º-

I left the infirmary after a few days. I started to be restless. I needed to move; I missed training. My goal was to be back on active duty as soon as possible. I was puzzled by the conversation I had with John when I recovered, but we did not speak of it again. He was a very easy-going man, easy to talk to, yet very private regarding his feelings. Being myself not much more expressive, I preferred relaying on actions rather than words. And his deeds were generous and loving.

My quarters were comfortable and I was glad to be back. Teyla had given me a lovely plant, which grows on the main land, as a symbol of 'get well soon' as they say here. Another growing thing among all the ones I've collected since, my quarters had been slowly invaded by vegetation. John was often mocking it, saying it became a sort of jungle or even calling it 'Atlantis' lung'. It was my haven.

I sat on the bed and breathed deeply; almost no more pain. John came sitting just behind and embraced me. I closed my eyes as I relished in his kisses and soft massages. I let him take care of my shoulders and neck, it felt divine. But I turned to face him. His eyes were bright yet he did not budge. I cupped his face and kissed him deeply. I desired him. He wrapped me and I pushed him back on the bed. His hands over me were arousing, so I worked on getting rid of his shirt. After it passed over his head, I kissed him hungrily. Then he backed me up for a second.

"Hey, it's not a little bit early for that? You've just been released…" But I stole his mouth again.

"I'm perfectly fine and will be better if you help me remove all these clothes." I deliberately spoke with a wanton voice. He considered me for a couple of seconds and a playful smile blew his concern away.

"Okay… at one condition: I take care of you tonight." He gently rolled over me and I let his hands and lips heate me up.

He was gentle, cautious with my wound, yet sensual and loving. I felt like I was drowning in a sea of bliss. This man was all I needed. I was sometimes wondering how I could have been so lucky for having been saved from the Wraith, welcomed here, and met him. It was somehow too good to be true. So I enjoyed every simple moment we shared. And this one was one of the sweetest.

Later this evening, I felt renewed, as if I had changed an old skin for a new one. Lying side by side, we gazed at each other. These long moments of silence were often ours, just our eyes kindled and lips connecting. Simple is good. Yet he interrupted the silence.

"We are doing good, right?" His hand was rubbing my flank.

"Of course we are. We are doing great!" I almost chuckled at his unusual comment.

"We're doing great!" He echoed, smiling. "Being with you is easy, Dëna. You don't ask me to talk… about things… or feelings."

"What do you want me to ask you? I know what I need to know. Simple is good."

He chuckled.

"Come here…" As he whispered, he dragged me even closer, and gave me a burning kiss.

The love we shared was strong and both of us were aware of it. Love is not something you decide; it strikes you. And uttering its name will not make it appear or disappear. One day I know, I will say these words, but I will not be motivated by any particular event. The pure nature of love is simple yet indescribable. So many poets tried - unsuccessfully to me - to put it on the paper and depict its content and intensity. Yet when you share such thing, the communication is so intuitive, silent and simple, and heavy with meaning. Thus how some words can compare to such a high level of communication?

Elves love unlike men do and they love only once in a lifetime. Yet once in our history, one great king of the Noldor loved twice. After the death of Míriel Serindë, Finwë's heart opened again. He shared a new love with Indis; Manwë himself allowed this union. I have shared many decades of pure love in a previous life among trees and my people. I have bound myself to the one who was made for me, the only one I thought. Then I lost him and survived his passing. Then I lost my kin and home but received a chance for another life here among men. And my heart has been unexpectedly kindled anew. No Valar approved or blessed this union with a man: how could they? Far from my kin and from the Valar, there is no approval nor blessing, but only choices. And these choices are the matter of my heart. It also received this chance for a second life and seized it willingly. I knew what it meant to give my heart to a man. But it did not matter, for it was my choice.

I loved this man, and I knew he loved me. What could I need more?


	15. Chapter 14: Grief

**Chapter 14: Grief **

I worked hard to be back on active duty. John did not want to take the chance of having me injured again. But even in perfect shape, we cannot foresee when a simple op becomes dangerous. We can get beaten, stunned or shot in so many unforeseen occasions. I was conscious of the constant danger and of the fact that every time we stepped through the Gate, our lives were endangered.

Yet, one cannot suspect that a life can disappear in a blink of an eye, here, in Atlantis.

It was a mandatory day off and we all tried to relax and headed to different activities. It was a beautiful day; until the explosion. Few people died and more were injured; and among them Teyla. We were all very worried since her wound seemed quite severe. Fortunately Dr. Beckett was a brilliant doctor and spent a long time operating on her and saved her.

But the day kept on going worse. It was not a simple bomb, but a strange device hidden in people's body. Dr. Beckett tried to operate on a man presenting such thing. He was ready to risk his life to save another. He successfully removed the bomb. But it exploded as he transported it.

I remember that I was next to Teyla's bed. She has just awoken from the artificial sleep in which Dr. Becket has put her. We heard the blast and we could also feel its vibrations on the floor.

"What is that?" Teyla regained her consciousness in a blink of an eye.

"I do not know." I looked for a radio. I did not have mine, for it was supposed to be a day off. I opened quickly a channel. "John, this is Dëna, what is going on?"

"The other bomb exploded. Carson… I've gotta go." His voice was tense.

We exchanged an apprehensive look with Teyla. Few seconds after, a medical team was dispatched. The bomb has blown and taken the life of the marine who came to secure it; and Carson's life.

For some minutes, we were stunned. It was not possible to believe that such a thing happened. Dr. Beckett's remains were transported to the infirmary.

One by one, all gathered here, and all shared this dumbfounded expression. None could really believe that Dr. Beckett has gone this way. This was so unbelievable: after all he has been through and all the different missions.

The following night, none of us could sleep. We gathered in the mess hall in silence. We were together and it was enough. Our grief was wordless. Eventually, Rodney joined us. Beyond his grief, guilt was eating him alive. This day, he was supposed to go fishing on the mainland with Dr. Beckett. He postponed it. Then a series of events led Carson back to his duty at the infirmary. No one could have foreseen what happened. It was not Rodney's fault. But there is no word that can soothe such a wound: there is only time.

Few days later, a memorial was held before his body would be sent back to Earth. Many of the team would accompany him a last time to his final resting place back on Earth.

-º-º-º-

Our mourning time was short. Atlantis ran into trouble. A new ship arrived from Earth, with the goal to destroy once and for all the Replicator's threat. We were first to launch an attack. But they stroke back, and harshly. Atlantis' survival has been such endangered that, in order to escape to our enemy, we had to fly the city away from Lantea. It was not without difficulties, issues and fears that we succeeded to land on a new planet. John's courage had saved hundred of lives here. Yet, some were lost; the replicators took Dr. Weir's life.

So Atlantis had landed on a new planet, in the middle of another great Sea. It felt the same but, in the sky, two moons were rising. I wondered how would the main land be here. It is strange how your mind can bring you to such considerations in order to prevent you from thinking and further sadness.

I found John on the balcony of the control room. Sitting on a bench, his eyes were browsing the floor. When I came near, he did not rise his head. I could feel his intense grief. Elizabeth was lost and he could have done nothing to save her. He knew it but guilt and regrets were heavy though. I had little experience with facing death of loved ones, but I definitely could understand. Only few weeks ago, we had lost Dr. Beckett and it has been harsh on everyone here in Atlantis. And now Dr. Weir.

I was standing in front of him, but John's head was still down, his hands closed above his knees.

"John… I sense your grief… and I share it deeply. Elizabeth will be greatly missed." He only nodded. My hand went stroking his hair and his head searched the contact with it. "Do you wish to be left alone?" I did not want to impose my presence.

"No." He grabbed my hips and brought them toward him, burying his face against my belly, embracing me strongly.

I held him close, trying to pass my love. I whispered some elvish comforting words. I knew he did not understand but I felt him relaxing a bit.

"No in elin silar nan râd în a hiro he hydh ab 'wanath" _May the stars enlighten her path and may she find peace after death_

From the corner of the eye, I saw Dr McKay. He was certainly looking for John. He smiled at me sadly when he saw us and I returned the same. He looked so tired and drained. Then he simply left us.

We stayed like this for an undetermined amount of time; the simple communion of our love to soothe the grief.

"Thank you." He had raised his head.

"There is no gratitude between us, only…"

I did not finish my sentence. It was not the right time. It was not the moment. I know he knew what I meant to say; I saw it in his eyes. I understood it when he stood up and stared at me for long before cupping my face and kissing me deeply.

We stayed longer on the terrace, holding each other, watching the moons shining.


	16. Chapter 15: New Found World

**Chapter 15: New Found World **

Life on New Lantea got slowly back into its routine. Many things needed to be fixed in the city and we were all called on different duties. Colonel Samantha Carter has taken the command of the Atlantis colony. She was a gentle woman and seemed to have a fair knowledge on our life here. I learned later that she belonged to the first team that started to explore the different worlds through the Stargate in their galaxy. This place, the Atlantis expedition as we knew it, existed in part thanks to her.

We had quickly resumed our off world missions and there also, the routine between simple ops and more dangerous ones started again.

The evening has just started and John met me at the gym. I had finished my training and was sweetly worn out after few hours of sparing with Major Lorne. John intercepted me as I walked out of the locker room.

"Hey!" He clasped my waist. He looked mischievous this evening. "What about a dinner for two tonight, we pick up some stuff at the mess hall, then my place…" his eyebrow was moving playfully.

"It sounds like a plan." I smiled enthusiastically.

"Let's go."

We headed to the mess hall, chatting on the way. John was holding tight my waist and I was uncomfortable to show such familiarity in public.

"John, it is not appropriate." I covered his hand with mine.

"Why not? It's after hours, no one cares and everybody knows anyway."

"Anyway, it feels…"

"Feels what? You're my girl!"

"I'm no girl." It was one of our favourite games.

"It's only an expression!" He pretended of being irritated. And he articulated, teasing me: "You are my girl, period." I giggled and let him kiss my forehead.

Few minutes later, once the food collected, we ran into Ronon and Teyla.

"What are you up to tonight? Something planned?" Ronon looked restless.

"For a matter of fact, we do." John rose up the bag containing our evening meal. "Dinner for two, with my girl." He squeezed my waist.

I rolled my eyes and Teyla's ones spoke volumes before adding: "So I wish you a good evening."

For a moment, I stared at Teyla. I had felt something unusual. She seemed different lately, even if any factual detail did really hit me. Just the hint of something.

We resumed our way to John's quarters. I heard Ronon joking and Teyla lecturing him about respecting friend's privacy. But from the corner of the eye, I also noticed Col. Carter looking at us and she seemed surprised. I told John about that but he did not seem to care much. I knew he had a good contact with Col. Carter, so I estimated that all this was meaningless.

We spent a remarkable evening. It has been almost two years that I have been in Atlantis and almost one that I have spent with him. Our complicity and bond have grown strong. Even passed the sparkle of the beginning of our relationship, we have always maintained our fire kindled. We cultivated our love like a precious fruit, simply but carefully. In his arms, I would have stayed nested forever.

The night passed and I had quickly forgot about the strange feeling I had when I noticed Col. Carter's expression. Until the following morning. When we arrived at the Gate room before leaving for our mission, Col. Carter asked John for a word. They were in her office, but my elven ears picked up their vivid voices and I concentrated to overhear their conversation.

"… I am just asking you whether you share a non-professional relationship with one of your team members!" Col. Carter sounded slightly irritated.

"And by non-professional, you mean…"

"I mean private. You know what I'm asking, John!"

"Well, private means… it's private."

"You know as well as I do that it is not allowed. I am not Dr. Weir, Colonel, and they are some items in the protocol that I intend of having being respected."

"I'm not her commanding officer, she is not a fulltime member of my team and she is no military. She's even not human!" John's voice had raised significantly.

"She is anyway under your command and you know perfectly well how such a situation can prejudice a mission."

"Okay, tell me about one mission in the last months that has been compromised because of our relationship. You won't find any. Because we are managing it without problem. Ask Rodney, Teyla and Ronon! Ask Major Lorne!" He marked a pause. "Look, I understand it seems maybe weird to you, but give it time and you'll see by yourself that there is no problem. She is a very valuable fighter, of whom I don't want to be cut off."

"Alright. But you better not disappoint me on this."

"I won't. Is that it?"

"You can go. Colonel, you also better take a puddle Jumper. The last readings on M4X-328 confirmed that the Stargate is in orbit."

"All right."

John met with us down by the Gate. He looked tense and irritated.

"Are you alright?" I asked worriedly.

"Yeah, just… let's go" And louder to all of us "Let's get a Jumper for that one." He jerked his head and we followed him to the Jumper bay.

We passed through the Gate and arrived quickly in the atmosphere of M4X-328. We flew above what seemed to be the main land.

"Okay, Rodney, where do we start?" John was checking on the information displayed by the jumper's HUD.

"There is a large meadow land between mountains that seems being fairly populated. I guess this would be our start, even if I do not see any particular energy reading indicating whatever level of technology… Why are we here anyway? There's barely few records of this planet in the Ancients database and nothing regarding an eventual outpost. If we came here with some hope to find a Zed-PM…"

"Rodney!" John's voice has raised in frustration.

"Yes-yes-yes, just… twenty miles ahead. And we'll be good. Good to land." Rodney chuckled nervously and returned his attention to his computer.

I started to have a strange feeling. I was looking at these mountains and valleys; they were beautiful and somehow familiar. I still missed my home, even if the feeling was not as painful as it initially was. I have become part of the Atlantis colony and I was grateful of it. Yet seeing such a landscape somehow called out to me.

We landed the jumper not far from a village. It was located in the middle of a vale, a large pasture with some lush tall grasses. The air was fresh and smelled good. We walked for less than an hour and we eventually started to meet with some of the villagers. They were mainly peasants. They looked poor and did not show any sign of mastering whatsoever technology. Horses, men and haystacks were filling the space between the small wooden houses.

Teyla introduced herself to some men looking at us with astonishment. They led us in the centre of the small township to meet with their leader. A man in a richer outfit welcomed us. John took the lead of our group.

"Hello. I am Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard. And this is Teyla Emmagan, Dëna o Lórien, Dr. McKay and Ronon Dex. We are travellers and explorers."

"Welcome my Lords. My name is Deor. I am the ruler of this county. You must come from far, for you look quite strange to us."

"Yes, we come… from far, pretty far." John grimaced.

"Did you come to trade with us?" The man was inspecting the weapons we held.

"Indeed. Trading and making new friends are our motivation." Teyla answered politely and graciously. The leader seemed pleased and opened his arms.

"Please, follow me. We shall drink the ale together as a token of friendship!"

John looked at us and shrugged. We thus followed the head of the village into a wooden hall and sat at a large table with him. A lady brought several mugs of ale. The inside of the hall was simple. Few pillars were carved with horse shaped sculptures. Some tapestries depicting hunting scenes decorated the walls. I could not see any hint of the presence of the Ancients. They were only mere farmers living a simple life.

"Hail to our new friends!" Deor held his mug and drank. Few men had gathered in the hall to share the ale with us. They emptied diligently their mug, accompanying Deor. We did the same, each of us at a different speed. Ronon seemed to appreciate his first sip and I noticed that he almost drained his mug after this.

Deor sat at the table and made himself comfortable. He suddenly looked sadden.

"We were quite surprised to see your coming. Few visitors venture over here. Particularly since the monsters came in our lands."

"We call them the Wraith. They feed on the life energy of people." John explained patiently.

"Long ago we defeated the Evil on this land. We fought for our freedom and we were successful. Since then, we have lived in peace. All the villages around are alike ours: we trade food, cattle, ale and horses. We are poor, my Lords, but we are free." Deor paused and looked into his mug. "Well, we were, until the last few years. Those monsters came from the sky and kill at will. Many of our people are taken or… drained! And those new orcs have weapons like we have never seen before."

"Orcs?" My heart skipped a beat.

"I don't know whether they are orcs, my Lady. It has been for many generations of men that the tales of orcs are told. We haven't seen any, until those recent years. So we just assumed they were orcs. But you called them… Wraith."

"Deor, what are these tales about orcs?" Now my heart was racing.

"Well, Wraith have been asleep for some time before… well we woke them up. They hibernated when their feeding ground began to shrink…" Obviously Dr. McKay took the liberty to answer instead of Deor.

"I am not asking you Rodney!" I interrupted him. "Please Deor, tell me about those tales." Rodney was grumbling but I ignored him.

"They are mostly stories of old, my Lady. From the fathers of my fathers, from the times when Evil was spreading from the East, from Mordor."

I could not believe my ears. Was it true? I exchanged dumbfounded looks with John. I have told him these stories about Mordor, the time when Middle-earth was at war against Evil. This war happened during in my life time and having fought orcs in my homeland, I've often compared these reckless monsters with the Wraith. Without a word, John understood my interrogations and my distress.

"Deor, what is the name of this county?" John asked quietly to Deor.

"You are in Westemnet, in the kingdom of Rohan." Deor was observing us with incomprehension.

John's hand closed on mine and I swallowed not without difficulty. I heard Teyla asking; "What does this mean?" So I turned to the rest of the team and could only say: "We are in Middle-earth. I'm home."


	17. Chapter 16: The City of Lights

**Chapter 16: The City of Lights**

I was gazing over the landscape in front of me: the trees, the mountains, and the sky. Closing my eyes, I breathed deeply many times. I needed some air; my head was spinning. Of course I felt weird as soon as we arrived. Of course these valleys and mountains looked familiar. Even their smell of the air was identifiable. I was home.

I was standing motionless in front of the hall, letting the cool air taking my body and the sounds of Middle-earth reminding me where I was. John joined me and took me out of my trance.

"Wow, is it really here?" John asked, gazing the landscape too.

"We are in Rohan. I'm back in Middle-earth. How come it did not strike me firsthand?"

"Well, it was not obvious from the Jumper maybe."

"I must go to Lórien. It will take less than an hour with the Jumper. Can we leave now?" My eyes were begging him.

"Well, let me see with the others, but yes. Basically we can go. Unless we meet some Wraith activity."

I smiled and let him go back inside. I turned my attention back to the landscape; my heart started to pound.

We gave our farewell to Deor and headed back to the Jumper. We flew northeast for less than half-hour. I could not believe it. I felt happy, but incredibly tense. I did not know what I would find. It was possible that Lórien has been ruined by the Wraith, that none of my people were left. I needed to be ready for such an eventuality.

In the centre of the dense forest, we started to guess some lights in the trees. I immediately recognized Caras Galadhon glowing in the dusk, even if it was the first time that I was seeing it from this perspective. Fortunately, our Jumper was cloaked and we landed in a small clearing not far from the city.

My heart was pounding heavily in my chest. The song of the trees was so loud; I could have sit down and cry, but I was not alone. We headed out of the Jumper, Rodney his scanner ready and the other weapons at hand. Knowing the way to the city, I naturally took the lead of the group.

"We will meet soon with some sentinels. They might not understand how we crossed the forest line. In any case, let me talk." I preferred warning the others before any encounter.

The group followed me in silence. John was walking close behind me, holding his P90 ready, as usual.

"This is… you home, right? The trees and stuff…" John was looking around him. We were already quite deep in the forest.

"Can you believe it? I thought I would never see those trees again." Then I heard a familiar noise in the trees. We were about to be stopped. In less time than it takes, few wardens had surrounded us, arrows pointed at us. John, Teyla and Ronon had brandished their weapons at them in a reflex.

"Who are you and what are you doing in the Golden Wood?" I shivered as I recognized the stern voice.

"Galor! Im Dëna, Dëna o Lórien. Ú-renich nin?" _Galor,__I__am__Dëna,__Dëna__of__Lórien.__Don__'__t__you__remember__me?_ I made carefully two steps toward him.

"Dëna?" He looked at me dumbfounded and came closer. "Firiannech io annan!_"_ _You__died__some__time__ago._ He clasped my right shoulder as to make sure I was real and pull me into a vigorous embrace. The wardens lowered theirs bows.

"Baw! Ú-firiannen. Mellyn nín sí annanner edraith anim. Berianner nín im adab în."_No!__I__didn__'__t.__My__friends__here__saved__me.__They__sheltered__me__in__their__home._ I was so glad of seeing him again. I pointed my hand toward my group.

"Mellyn lin edain?" _Your__friends__are__Men?_ I could read on his face that he was disturbed by this revelation.

"Mae. Rim prestar aen." _Yes.__Much__is__changed._Then I turned to the team. John was frowning and Ronon did not seem happy of such a welcome.

"Could you speak a language that we can all understand? It's just a matter of…" Rodney wasn't at ease and got silenced immediately by John.

I took his comment in consideration and introduced the group to Galor using the common tongue.

"Galor, this is Colonel John Sheppard, Teyla Emmagan, Ronon Dex and Dr. Rodney McKay. My friends, this is Galor, marchwarden of the Golden Wood. He has been my captain for many years."

My friends were staring at Galor. John and Rodney gave a confused smile, Teyla bowed slightly her head, but Ronon did not budge. I realized that Galor was only the second elf they met. And it must have been quite impressive for them. Galor was tall with a long golden hair and wore the typical warden attire, including sword, quiver of arrows and bow. This was not the type of gear that they were used to see. I also realized how men and elves were different, and Galor could not be mistaken. Moreover, every inch in him inspired authority and command.

"Welcome in Lothlórien. You will not need weapons here. Those woods are safe." He bowed to them.

"I like to keep this one around, if you don't mind." John tapped his riffle and smiled uneasily. He was never confident without weapon in a foreign place.

"May I ask you how did you make your way so deep in the woods, unnoticed?"

"We have some tricks…" John started before I cut his speech.

"There is much I will tell you, Galor. Much you don't even think possible." I cover his hands resting in front of him on the handle of his sword.

"Well, I already thought you have been killed with Thenian. I could not guess you were alive and well." His eyes were bright and passed through some of the respect and complicity that has been ours for decades.

"Yes, I took refuge in their great city." I was so glad to see him again, be here in my woods. My heart was light and I enjoyed every step that brought me closer to the city.

-º-º-º-

We all followed Galor to Caras Galadhon. I cannot describe their astonishment as they discovered the city of lights. It was a city of tall green and golden trees. Their height could not be guessed but the trees pointed up like living towers. Some platforms, roofs and bridges were suspended between them, forming a dense organic network shining with countless lights suspended.

Standing at the bottom of large stairs, my friends were gazing at every corner and all four looked amazed. I was myself under the spell of rediscovering my home. For a brief moment, it felt like I did not leave, until John came to grab my hand and took me back to the present moment.

"This is really where you lived? Whoa! It's… something." He almost whispered in my ear.

"Yes. Isn't it beautiful?"

"Oh yeah! It's crazy. You do really live in those trees, right?" He pointed out something up there. I have already described him our houses, which were quite atypical.

"There are bridges! All over! How do you get these lights everywhere? I guess you don't have electricity…" Rodney was wondering.

"No we don't. Let's go up there." I headed toward the large stairs in front of us, where Galor waited patiently.

"What do you mean by up there? Up, up there?" I remember that Rodney was scared of heights.

We walked up few levels and made our way to a large talan. It was used by the ones who desire to gather for some occasions. I noticed that the city looked quite empty. The atmosphere was generally effervescent, rich with sounds and songs. But this night, the air was filled mostly with only chirping. Galor left briefly only to come back with glasses and a small barrel of wine. In the meantime, we found sits over pillows in front of a low round table.

I was more and more stricken by the quietness of the place. It felt so empty

"What happened Galor? Why is it so quiet over here?" I wondered as Galor was pouring the dark wine in crystal clear glasses.

"We are very few left in the City. These new orcs who took you triggered somehow our decline."

"We call them the Wraith. They feed on people." John answered and I saw he was gauging Galor who has sat down but has not quit his command demeanour.

"We started by finding few of our people dead, as if their blood has been sucked out of them. Then the… Wraith became to be bolder, and started to launch attacks beyond the borders of Lórien. They have strange weapons and lights from the sky, which can swipe you away. Their magic is unknown to us. We cannot fight them with the regular ways."

Galor marked a pause and served us some wine before continuing.

"At first, the Wraith attacked only men. But with time, they focused their assaults on the elves. As you said, they feed on us. The life of the First Born might be more… sustainable than that of men. Our number decreased rapidly. As you know, we had already started to leave these shores. It only hastened our departure."

"What do you mean?" John asked the marchwarden, frowning.

"Dëna has not told you? Each elf, one day, is stricken by the call of the sea. We are all sailing eventually to the Undying Lands. It has been some decades now, even centuries that men have won the dominion of this Middle-earth. Our place is not here anymore."

"Won't you stay and fight this enemy? You cannot just leave and let the other people defend themselves!" Teyla was astounded. "I've been told you were great warriors."

"You don't understand. This is a natural process. Eventually, yes, men will have to defend themselves. There is nothing more than we can do. Our place is in Valinor." Galor drained a first glass of wine.

"And if they find you there?" John's mind seemed to race.

"They won't be able to. Valinor will be hidden from all."

"So you'll just leave." Ronon did not understand either.

"Yes. This is our ways." Galor emptied another glass. "You should drink! The wine is good." His gesture encouraged us to do so.

"So how many ships have left already?" A concern was born and grew in me.

"So many! Eryn Lasgalen is almost empty. Imladris has been cleared. Few are still left in the Ithilien colony and the rest is here. There is only a handful of elves in the Grey Havens, some of Cirdan's folk. We will all take the last ship. It is really a chance that you found your way back, Dëna." 

"What do you mean?" My chest hurt as I guessed the answer.

"The last ship is leaving soon. In two weeks, we shall take our leave and head to the Grey Havens." He had clasped my shoulder.

Galor's eyes were kindled. I knew that the sea has called him for years now, and his longing must be strong. Mine never echoed yet. Suddenly, I felt panic invading my mind and body. I reached for John's hand, which was laying on the table and squeezed it strongly. I did not dare looking at him. When I crossed Galor's gaze, I saw he noticed my hand on John's. He sent me a look, brief yet judgemental and harsh. I did not evade his stare and stood proud.

It was not the kind of homecoming I expected. For a moment, I wished that I had never come back.


	18. Chapter 17: Decision Indecision

**Chapter 17: Decision-indecision **

We stayed not much longer with Galor. He informed us that some guest talans were being prepared for us. We were welcome to stay as long as we wished. Galor made sure to address this last sentence to the four men and not myself. In his head, my return was definitive. It was a good omen and only meant I was just right on time for the last ship.

"Well, it seems like we'll have to do some camping here! Next time, I would really like to be notified before in order to bring the descent gear…" Dr. McKay was obviously irritated.

"Rodney, you should be happy of the hospitality of Dëna's friends. We are very thankful to them." Teyla was always the one to smooth corners and to ease Rodney.

"Thank you Teyla. Talans are like cosy rooms opened on the night sky." I smiled to her.

"How can it be cosy and have no roof?" Rodney spitted indignantly.

"Rodney!" John's patience was reaching its limit.

"Your talans have been prepared up there." I pointed up the next level. "You will find in there everything you may need. I wish you a good night."

Both Ronon and Teyla gave us a small bow, Rodney only grimaced.

"Would you share a stroll with me before heading to our talan?" I grabbed John's arm.

"Sure! I'm surprised that we can share a… whatever you call it. I saw the way he looked at us! Men don't seem to be very welcome over here."

"Like I told you already, this is not the ways of my people. I did not expect him to understand."

"Well, I glad you're not totally like your people."

After few step, we paused on a bridge. The view on the core of the city was breathtaking. Yet, it missed its usual life. Soon, all this would be only memory. I could not stop thinking about this last ship. What would I do? I started to panic again. Fighting my tension and tears, I lowered my head and exhaled soundly. Then I felt John embracing me. His warmth was so good. How could I leave him?

"It's alright." He whispered. "It's a lot to take."

"I know…" My voice was so faint that I wasn't sure he heard it.

"It's okay." He kissed my hair tenderly. I finally raised my head.

"I almost wish I never came back. It's my home, but I don't really belong here anymore. With all I know, all I've learned, how could I go back and live like a wood elf again?"

John was listening to me.

"I feel like being one of you now. You've welcomed me in Atlantis and I enjoy my life there. I do not want to leave. And I do not want to leave you."

"So don't!" He grinned.

"It's not so simple, John. All the elves are to leave these shores. At one point in our long life, we experience the call of the sea. This call is strong and pushes us to sail to Valinor. If not answered, this call becomes a torture that none can endure. It means living a life of torment and sorrow that you slowly give up to die miserably. This is the last ship, the last one!" I was able to hear the panic in my own voice.

"Do you feel this call now?"

"I do not."

"So sail later! You will find a way."

"I won't! Once the last ship reaches Valinor, the island will be hidden forever, not to be found by any living being anymore. If I do not take this ship, I will never have another chance."

"I see."

"And I don't want to leave you. I can't!" I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. John caught my head and brought it against his chest.

"Hey, shhh. Easy. You don't have to take a decision right now, do you?"

"The ship leaves in about two weeks."

"Okay… it's still some time. But Dëna, do you really consider…" He grabbed my face the way he usually did. "Listen, what you tell me about this call thing is that it's a damned torture. I don't want you to go through this. And for what? Few years with me? With a man growing older everyday? You still have a very long life ahead, the whole eternity with your people. Would you let it go?"

"This is not the type of comfort I expected from you." I started to feel angry.

"The point is, I'm not here to tell you want you want to hear. I want you be happy, possibly with me, but I cannot ask you to sacrifice yourself for me."

"One thing you don't get here John, is that if I sail, I will find myself there alone with the eternity to go with my grief and nothing to heal it. I am not human; it does not work the same way for me. You don't seem to realize how strong the love of the elves is. Once kindled, it does not wax and wane. It endures forever whatever happens. I will have to spend the eternity with a broken heart."

John was staring at me, biting his lower lip. I knew he really understood the situation. And he did not have any answer to give. So he took me in his arms and held me strong, pouring his warmth and love. That was the only true thing, this love. Could I let it go?

Eventually he released me and was stroking my cheek. "I know it's difficult, but you have to consider equally both possibilities. And this decision you'll take, you do this for you, not for me."

"I know."

-º-º-º-

What should have been a happy day became a dark one. I've found the way back home and now, I wished I never did. I wished I never had this choice to make.

I've been tossing and turning for hours. My sleep would not come. So I sat at the border of the talan and looked at the stars through the branches. I was home, yet it was different. I did not know what of the emptiness of the city or the fact that I was not the same anymore was contributing most to this feeling.

I was breathing deeply. 'What do you want?' I asked to myself. Closing my eyes, I was seeing my Wood as it was before, but it was mingled with images of Atlantis. 'What do you want?' I concentrated. Almost no sound was carried by the air, only a faint chirping, wind in the trees and John's soft breathing. I smiled as I turned to watch him sleep. 'What do you want?' It was and was not so simple. I stood up and rejoined the bedding.

John was sleeping on his stomach, occupying a large portion of the space. I slid under the sheet and tried to come close without waking him. I put my face against his shoulder and smelled his scent. His shoulder blades were moving with his breathing. Carefully I laid my hand on it and let his rhythm pacing me.

He turned his face and his hand searched for me.

"Hey, not sleeping?" He mumbled softly.

"I cannot."

"Can't blame ya. Come here."

I crawled against his chest and he held me tight. His lips were soft and warm on mine. He cuddled me for a while. Then I recognized a well-known sparkle in his eyes.

"I have an idea for helping you falling asleep. But I think I'll be killed if we get caught." He was half joking.

"No one will kill anyone."

"If you say so…"

I closed my eyes when he took my lips and climbed on the top of me. I let him take control of the kisses, of my body and of our lovemaking. I had made my mind a blank, only conscious of the pleasure we gave each other and nothing more. I was addicted to his skin, his touch and his moans. I thought I was about to die when, in a last impulse, he entrained me in his rapture.

I heard him whispering "Oh God!" before he captured me and made himself comfortable laying on his back. We said nothing, except through the communion of our gaze. Finally, I drifted.


	19. Chapter 18: One Goodbye

**Chapter 18: One goodbye**

I woke up early in the morning. It felt weird to go out of the talan and sensing the forest waking up. I made my way to kitchens, prepared some tea and got some food in a plate. Nothing fancy, but elvish bread and fruits. I walked back up with the platter I've prepared and put it on the bedding next to John. I woke him with few kisses and he smiled when he looked up drowsily. He quickly scrutinized his surroundings, including the platter and myself. I was wearing an elvish blouse and realized I might look more like an elf than I ever did in Atlantis.

"This is cool! Food, nice hostess… but I guess I can forget about coffee." He teased me.

"You ask for too much, John Sheppard."

He put himself in a sitting position. He still looked quite sleepy and rubbed his eyes and his dishevelled head.

"What have we got here…?" John started to look at the food on the platter.

We started the breakfast. I was feeling much better than the eve.

"It's pretty quiet over here. Was it always like this?" John wondered, sipping some tea.

"No. This place was a hive… a good hive, I mean…"

"Yeah-yeah sure!"

"It was crowded, full of life and sounds. I met no one on my way this morning."

"It's sad."

I only answered with a shrug.

"So feel better, huh?"

"Yes. I had time to think. My mind is clearer." 

"Good!" He concentrated on ripping apart a fruit. His eyes were fixed on it. At some point, he left the fruit and placed his hands on his lap. His gaze was piercing. "Look, we have to head back today to Atlantis. I don't ask you to take a decision right now…"

"I know." I paused before continuing. "John, I came to a decision."

"Oh! That was fast!" He tried to conceal his concern.

"Yes. You should indeed return to Atlantis today." He immediately lowered his eyes.

"Whoa… okay" This time, he did not hide his disappointment.

"This is my people. This is my home. And it is a huge turn in the life of the eldar here. I cannot leave them now, now I'm just back with them. In two weeks, we will abandon these woods and leave Middle-earth forever. I have to be with them. I owe them."

"Yeah… I understand" he nodded but avoided my eyes. I grabbed his hands.

"I will ride with them to the Grey Havens, yet I will not board the ship."

"What do you mean?" He stared at me.

"I mean that I need this time to spend with my people. I have to chance to say goodbye to these woods, to these shores with them. But my place is not in Valinor. I became… what happened to me the two last years changed me deeply. I will not fit there anymore."

"But… what about the calling thing and…"

"I will find a way. I always did. Maybe your modern men's medicine can do something. I have hope."

"So…"

"So I will wait for you at the Havens."

"You don't do this for me, right?" he seemed disturbed.

"No, John Sheppard. I do this for myself. You are not compelled to anything, no bond or commitment, responsibility or duty."

"Well, we share… something" he gestured at him and me and I chuckled.

"Yes and it's beautiful. And I deeply cherish all the moments we share and… I hope to share as much as we can."

"So do I" His eyes were smiling. I could sense his happiness.

He cupped my face and kissed me deeply. For a moment, he looked at me, chortled and kissed me again. His hands were drifting on my chest when we heard a familiar voice.

"Ahem. Hello there? Somebody? I… I just need to figure out where the kitchen is. The smell of bread is omnipresent and drives me totally crazy. I cannot start a day without a descent breakfast and if your friends are as accommodating as you say…"

"Yes Rodney! Just a minute!" John looked at me with exasperation and reached for his trousers.

"Well, I don't want to interrupt what you're doing… or not doing! It's not my business anyway!" John opened unkindly the door without a word and was quite irritated. "Oh… Hi!" Rodney took one step back and eyed in the room. He gave me the same uneasy salutation together with a small hand wave. Then he noticed the food platter. "Oh, you've got food already!" He sounded immediately less pleasant.

"Two levels down then on the left, Rodney. Help yourself." I answered gently. John was still staring at him, holding the door open.

"Okay…" He had an awkward giggle and ran away.

John closed the door and rolled his eyes.

-º-º-º-

Few hours later, I walked John and my three friends to the Jumper. I explained them my decision to stay the time the city emptied and accompany my people to the Havens. Teyla was supportive yet worried.

"The Stargate is in orbit. You won't have any mean to communicate with us by the time being. If the Wraith come back, you will be in great danger."

"It is a possibility. But our number is so little that they might not bother to come back for so few. I know it is a calculated risk, but my people have not encountered any attack for some times."

"And what if the Wraith find you as you ride up to the Havens? You will have no weapon to defend yourself or you people. Nor you won't be able to prevent them to take you all if they wish."

"I know Teyla. But my people will take this risk, and I owe them to be with them."

"We can schedule some transmissions. There's a very-high frequency radio in the Jumper that you can keep here. Basically, if we dial the Gate from Atlantis, we'll be able to communicate wherever you are in a few thousand miles range from here, according to the distance to the Gate. But the contact can be only activated from our side." I was always impressed by the rapidity of Dr. McKay to find such solutions.

"Well, it's not bad but not ideal. You won't be able to contact us if the Wraith turn up." John was not totally convinced.

"I know, but it's better than nothing!" I tried to cheer up John but he only grimaced.

Once arrived at the Jumper, Rodney gave me some instructions about the radio. It did not seem too complicated. I was trying to picture Galor's reaction to this modern men device. But with it, we'll be able to talk every few days. I was then all set.

"Hey, take care!" Ronon patted my shoulder firmly but friendlily.

"I will."

"I am glad that you get to spend this time with your people. Get us back soon, and safe." Teyla saluted me her way.

"Thank you Teyla." I clasped her shoulder.

"Okay, see you soon, let's go!" Rodney turned around and headed inside the Jumper before I had the chance to answer. Ronon and Teyla then followed him.

I was facing John. Hands resting over his riffle, he considered me. It would be the first time we got separated for that long.

"Well, I guess we'll see each other in like, what, three weeks, a month?"

"I think it's correct." I came closer and he instantly put his P90 aside.

"You'll be a good girl, right?" He grabbed my waist. "No hangout with the Wraith?"

"I'm no girl." I opened his vest and got my way underneath.

"I know." One hand travelled up to my nape. "Listen, I'm not very good at that…"

"I know." I kissed his eagerly. "In the meantime, do not get yourself killed."

"I'll try my best." He stole my lips.

Reluctantly, we broke out our embrace. He passed the back door and within a minute, the Jumper disappeared. I took the bags containing the radio and different items they left me in case of need.

At a slow pace, I returned to Caras Galadhon. Soon, I would properly close the door to this lifetime. I walked lightly, I was in peace.


	20. Chapter 19: the Real Goodbye

**Chapter 19: The real goodbye **

The sun was shining and the birds were singing their usual melody. A beautiful day, just like I remembered it when I was feeling depressed the first days of my arrival in Atlantis. Often, I tried to imagine I was back home. Closing my eyes, this was how I pictured my Golden Wood, on a beautiful spring day.

Being back, knowing it was for a short time and for a very intense epoch in the eldar, life was surreal. I have not met with many people the eve when we arrived. The fact that I came with men discouraged a lot to come and socialize. I spent the day meeting with some of my old friends or comrades of the patrols, but overall few were left. I was told that many have perished during the Wraith attacks, the others taken. The luckiest eventually sailed.

Few questioned me about the place I have been staying since. I was at first taken aback by their lack of interest. Then I understood. Elves do not interfere with the affairs of men. They do not bother. I felt angry, for the modern men had nothing to do with those inhabiting Middle-earth. I was indeed hurt by their lack of curiosity and interest.

Elves are immortal and have the opportunity and the time to acquire a wisdom that very few men succeed to reach. Our respect and attachment to simple things and to nature are among our most beautiful quality. One we miss greatly is certainly humility. What does it serve to leave forever without an open mind to the world? What does is serve to be immortal and ignore that the world is bigger than you think?

One question was also haunting me. What will be left of us? What will even be remembered?

I realized quickly how much the last months have changed my mind. Being an elf living among elves never encouraged this reflection. I felt even luckier of having the chance of such an experience. I wondered how much poorer my life would have been without discovering the rest of the world, Atlantis and the modern men. We were indeed all capable of so much more than we thought. I anyway felt lucky of being back. I had a chance to say a proper goodbye and return among the modern men without regrets.

I was glad of my decision. I understood then why I felt it was so natural, so simple. But I understood also the reasons that moved my people to sail to Valinor. How to face the Wraith and their reckless hate without the knowledge and the means?

The elves have fought many wars against Morgoth and Sauron along history. They even raised they swords against their own kin. It was not in our disposition to flee from a battle. This war arrived at key point regarding our existence in Middle-earth. The Wraith chose to attack uppermost Elves. Our numbers were already too few. And their obviously grew fewer and fewer.

The decision of leaving Middle-earth came fast. One by one, all the elven settlements have been methodically assailed. Some places, like Imladris, were already empty. Eryn Lasgalen's population has shrunk and Lórien followed the same trend. The brutality and recurrence of the attacks forced the lords of the settlements to an outstanding decision. Elves had no weapon against the Wraith, no way to fight or to hide. Except in Valinor. So they decided to organize quickly a massive departure of the eldar population.

Caras Galadhon was slowly emptied of different items that would be transported to Valinor. Some books, fabrics, objects and personal things, all were collected in trunks. I was helping some of my fellows to pack. The atmosphere was though quite festive. Sailing to the Undying Lands is a major and joyful moment for an elf. I knew that many here had already heard the call of the sea. The few others who did not followed happily anyway.

Songs accompanied the packing all along, mainly songs about Valinor. I was glad to share these times with my people, yet it felt sometimes tormenting. Sharing all the details and actions but eventually not sailing was every now and then taking a small toll.

-º-º-º-

Days passed relatively quickly. One evening, I was relaxing in my talan after a long day. Galor invited himself with a small barrel of wine.

"I thought this would be well deserved. We have to finish them anyway. No reason to transport the wine knowing that the best grapes flourish in Valinor." He dropped his smile at some point. "Dëna, I…"

"Please, Galor. I took a decision and I am glad." I gestured at him to sit next to me.

"Very good." He regained his composure. "Let us drink it!"

I took two glasses and he served the rich dark Lórien wine. Galor raised his glass, to what I was a bit surprised.

"May your life among Men be happy and fruitful!"

"Thank you Galor! This is the nicest thing you told me since I came back." I emptied my glass in one sip.

Galor drank his and frowned.

"I would never guess that you would… fit among men."

"Me neither indeed. But, it came easily."

"Well, this or death… But, you, staying with them?"

"I did not expect you would understand anyway."

"No, I do not. This man, Dëna, is going to die. Soon. And you will fade. Why would you face such a dreadful death so quickly? Why do you wish to give up your life this way?"

"I do not give up my life; all the contrary indeed. And I did not choose according to one man, but to me, to the life I want."

"What kind of life?" Galor stood up and his voice gained in volume. "In Valinor, you have a chance for another life, in the most beautiful and safe place in the whole world…"

"What of the world have you seen?" I stood up as well. I regretted my sudden fit of anger. So I came to him and held his arm. "I do not need you to understand me, and mostly not to be judged; only respected. As a comrade and as a friend."

"I only regret that you won't sail… and that I will never see you again. We already left so many behind, so many."

"Galor, you do not leave me behind. I choose another path, another life. And please, stop judging men like you do. Modern men are so different."

"No, Dëna. Men are men. You do not belong with them. It can only bring hurt and sorrow."

"For now, my friend, I have joy and peace. I have nothing to envy Valinor."

"I hope you are right."

"I am. I know it. Now let us drink this wine."

We sat back. We kept on chatting until the wine was finished. We did not speak of my decision any more. Galor left my talan and I lied down on the bedding. The night was calling me and I was about to fall asleep. But at some point, I heard the radio turning on.

"Dëna, this is Atlantis. Come in."

"Yes. I'm here John. Glad to here you."

"Glad to hear you! What's up?"

"Nothing much. Most of the city is packed. We're… they are almost ready to go."

"All right. You guys seem all set."

"Yes. We are supposed to leave in two days." I sighed and quickly glanced at the trees around me. "How does it go back in Atlantis?"

"Well, you know, pretty much… routine. You sound kinda tired."

"I had a dense day. And I just shared this wine with Galor, so I feel a bit drowsy."

"Hey, bad girl! Drinking with another! You gonna have a serious hangover!" John meant to be offended.

"You know I'm resilient." I chuckled.

"Yeah, and I'm still pretty jealous of that! So, uh, when am I supposed to pick you up?"

"In ten days, if all goes good."

"Hope so. Any sign of Wraith activity?"

"Nothing here and we did not hear about anything around."

"Good! So, uh, well, I should let you sleep."

"Okay. It was good to hear you, John."

"Yeah, same here. Gd' night"

"Good night."

The transmission was not completely over. The background noise was still audible.

"Dëna, uh…" and I could almost hear him sighing.

"Me too. I see you soon."

"Right. Gd' night. Sheppard out."


	21. Chapter 20: There and Back Again

**Chapter 20: There and Back Again**

The gulls were circling in the sky. Their cries were piercing. I sensed the excitement of my fellows around me. The Grey Havens were in sight.

The trip has been calm. We have left eight days ago. I was expecting a special moment, for it was our farewell to the Golden Wood. The elves just mounted their horses and left without turning back. It has been so simple. Like the wind blows a leaf away, they said their farewell to Lothlórien.

We finally arrived at the harbour by the end of the afternoon. The view on the ship was impressive, breathtaking with the sun setting slowly behind. I did not expect her to be so massive yet majestic. The ship was made out of clear wood. A large entrance leading toward the hold of the ship was collecting the trunks, goods and horses. A gangway was inviting the people to board. Obviously, many of the other elven settlements had made their way in already.

I dismounted my horse and Galor who was riding next to me did the same. He looked dazzled by the ship.

"Look at that, Dëna, look! Isn't' she…"

"Impressive."

"Are you sure…"

"Galor!"

He nodded in approbation. He stared at me long. We have been knowing each other for as far as I remember. He was one of my patrol-training instructors, the one who shaped my warrior skills and has been my captain for decades.

"Well, the time for our farewells has come." He clasped our right shoulder respectively.

"It has been an honour to receive your teaching and serve by your side. Thank you for your friendship."

"It has been an honour to have you by my side and count you as friend. I wish you peace and happiness. Namarië Dëna." _Farewell_

"Namarië Galor." His smile was so serene, there was a deep peace in his eyes, like if the Sea he was about to embrace already took him.

Elegantly, he bowed to me, glanced quickly somewhere behind me then headed to the bridge.

I watched him and other elves making their last steps on these shores. Then I felt his body leaning on my back and as he held me, John kissed my neck.

"Hey there." He whispered. I turned around in his arms to face him. I have missed his lips. "How's goin'?"

"Good." I fought the mist tempting to cover my eyes.

We stayed until the ship cast of. Quietly, the sails were drawn up, a breeze blew and she moved into the flat calm sea, slipping away down the long grey firth. I was filled with sadness to see the last of my kin passing into the West, but no bitterness or regret. Yet I did not want to watch as she disappeared. I wanted to keep a last image of my people moving into the West and not vanishing.

"Let us go." I suddenly said.

"Are you sure? We can stay longer."

"No, let's go home."

"All right!"

"I have gathered few things that I want to take back with me." I pointed my chin toward the trunk waiting on the deck.

"You've got to be kidding me!" John said as he lifted it; obviously he underestimated its weight. I reached for one handle to share the load. "You're really movin' in! What's inside?"

"Memories."

"Well, they're damn heavy!"

We transported the trunk to the jumper. Inside were the very last records of my kin: some books, dresses, objects, fabrics and particularly few weapons. I knew they would be of any usage in Atlantis, for we do not fight with bows and swords, yet they were my heritage.

I found myself in the Jumper and after sitting down, I must have stared too long at the control panel in front of me. John lent a hand on mine.

"You're okay?" He seemed worried.

"Yes! Sorry, just… it's an overwhelming moment. But I'm okay. Let's go."

We took off and I felt already a bit calmer.

"So tell me, what did I miss?"

"Oh, well, the usual. Replicators, Wraith… Teyla's pregnant." He used the same indolent tone all along while he was flying the Jumper.

"Oh really?" Then I remembered the curious feeling I had last time I've seen her. "Of course."

"You knew it?"

"No, it was only… a feeling."

"Well, now it's a fact. We had a pretty hard time to… communicate about that."

"Really." I was not surprised at all, knowing John's communication skills. "Still no news about her people? Or Kanaan?"

"None. But you knew about Kanaan?" He looked surprised.

"Teyla is my friend. We talk. And I can read between lines sometimes."

"Well, lucky you." John raised his brows and I chortled.

Underneath, the land was getting away. We flew up to the Gate and I could see Middle-earth distancing. After few minutes, we were in the atmosphere. I did not want to look back to Aman. My life was forward.

-º-º-º-

In few minutes, we had reached the Stargate. Without transition, I arrived to Atlantis. Without transition, I've been cast into another world.

The instantaneous property of a Gate travel is still strangeness to my eyes. It never ceased to amaze me, puzzle me how one can be translated into a different universe just by stepping through this substance. If time is not absolute, neither is space. If time is meaningless for the elves, so is space for the modern men. I have been lucky enough for blending quickly into their world and culture. I accepted to reconsider almost my whole vision of the world and I've learned so much. Offering them my service, as I have done earlier for my Golden Wood, I accepted to take a chance every time I stepped through the Gate. I accepted the fact that I could not come back alive from a mission. This time, going through the Stargate orbiting above Aman, I accepted to give away the life of the eldar. I had a choice to make and I accepted to change my life forever. I took a chance for a different life and there was no going back. As I routinely took the risk to die, this day I took the risk to live.

The feeling of being back in Atlantis was strange. Everything around looked familiar yet foreign. I knew I would need time to readapt to this world. Already, being trapped behind these walls and roofs was too much to bear. So after I transported the remainders of my previous life, I headed outside and headed to my favourite balcony; I was breathing anew.

The view over the dark sea drove my thoughts to the magnificent ship bringing my kin away to Valinor. The stars would guide their path. Maybe not the ones spreading above me. When would they arrive? How would it feel like? Did any have regrets? I suddenly jolted when strong arms embraced me. I even did not hear him coming.

"I didn't want to startle you. You ok?"

"Yes, Yes. I was…"

"Thinking" Obviously I did not sound very convincing.

I turned to face John and clearly realized how much I had missed him. His touch was so soft and his eyes comforting; so I just stared at them, leaving them only to follow the path of my hand trailing down his cheek. Thoughts about my kin hit me as I noticed the glow of my fingers shining against his skin. But it did not matter; he brought me peace. I nested my head under his chin, listening to his heart beating strong. This was the safest place I knew.

He held me for some time and we did not speak. His claim spoke by itself when his strokes became demanding. I raised my head and found his eyes kindled. He leaned down to catch my lips. His kiss was exquisite. It felt like it was our very first. His lips, firstly shy, were gradually pressing over mine. And when they parted slightly, his tongue search graciously for mine. We kissed softly as we took the time to realize that we were indeed together, like bringing a confirmation.

It felt so good. And it felt even better when his hold tightened. At the same time, his kiss deepened, became hungry and hands reached to my nape and to my waist. My breathing was short and my desire building up. His seemed of having fully grown. His kiss was so eager that I thought I would suffocate soon.

I pressed my hips on his and he moaned in my mouth. Finally, he released me so that I could breathe and I noticed that his eyes were dark with yearning.

"I have missed you too." I said jokingly. He giggled and brought me again to his chest, one hand holding me, the other stroking my head.

"Let's go." He whispered. I shivered in anticipation and we headed back in.


	22. Chapter 21: Under New Night's Sky

**Chapter 21: Under New Night's Sky**

Later that night, I tried to let the sweet fatigue of our lovemaking calling my sleep. Yet sleep did not come and the dim light of the stars up in the sky was disturbing me. John's head was resting over my stomach and I was playing unconsciously with his hair. Maybe a bit too strongly since he woke up.

"Whatcha doin'?" He looked and sounded drowsy.

"I'm sorry. I did not mean to wake you up."

He stared at me without a word for few seconds and got up on his elbows, his hair even more askew than usual.

"Do you regret?" He sounded honestly concerned.

"No, I do not." I sighed. "I was just thinking… But I can tell you tomorrow. There is no emergency. We should sleep."

He snorted and frowned. "Now I'm awake, I kinda wanna hear."

I smiled as I gathered my thoughts.

"I was thinking… about Valinor. The fact that it would be hidden to anyone once the last ship would reach its shores." I checked on John.

"Keep on" and he made himself more comfortable next to me.

"Well, an island that will be hidden when all the elves would reach it. All my life I have heard this story. It was said of being the making of the Valar. To hide and island, just like that? Don't you think what I do?"

"You say first"

"A cloak! Valinor will be cloaked. Invisible, undetectable. It means that there is an Ancient device in Valinor, which activates a cloak!" I moved to a sitting position.

"I see." But I saw that he did not have any idea where I was going.

"Well, elves using Ancient devices? I've never heard of anything like a "device" before coming here." I paused for a second and my mind raced. "Altogether, it means that all my beliefs were wrong! And not only mine, but the ones of a whole kin. It means that there are no Valar and the Ancients were in Aman way before the elves. So we are not the First Born. And maybe the Valar were Ancients indeed. And they still might be in Valinor… Living Ancient in Valinor…"

"Whoa-whoa-whoa, take it easy! Don't you think you're going… a little bit far?"

"I don't know! I will never know." I sighed.

"Do you want to investigate this?"

"No. I don't. I have to leave all this behind."

"Why? You don't have to."

"I do because my life is forward, not back there. I just need time to… to mourn."

"Are you sure you made the right choice? I don't want to be heavy with this, but… you know, it's a lot to handle."

"I know. And I also know that I chose the right way." I cocked my head and looked at him. "I know it; I can feel it." And I was totally sincere. He was the only one that I needed to convince. "What is true, is that I am here, what I live now. The only truth is that I am here, right now, with you and nothing else does really matter."

-º-º-º-

Sleep finally found me later that night, and my dreams mingled images of Atlantis, songs of the elves, Ancients and Valinor. I woke up pretty weary of a night dense of dreams. But I was resolved to move on and not getting distracted my some crazy thoughts.

As John went for a morning run, I headed to the gym. I met with Ronon who was in a mood for sparing. His energy was sometimes overwhelming and it felt like his body was only present to contain it and diffuse it to capable arms and legs. He was pure power, ready to be unleashed at will.

We have taken position in the centre of the room, the sweet morning light pouring into a rainbow through the Ancient tainted glass windows.

"So, got time to train when you were there?" Ronon tossed me a wooden staff and a mischievous smile.

"Not much. They did not prepared for battle but for leaving." I played with the staff, rotating it with one hand and getting accustomed to its weight and shape.

He giggled as his eyes narrowed and scanned me under his thick brows; his excitement was unconcealed.

"Let's see how badly you're trained" He had a wicked smile over his mouth and tapped his staff on the floor.

'You'll be surprised my friend', I thought. Ronon started to move around me, teasing me, his gaze the one of a killer. He enjoyed this so much and I could not say otherwise.

The first blow stroke me with an incredible power. The staff might not resist several strokes like this. I tried to defend and hit back, but Ronon was quick. He resumed his walk around me, like an animal tracking its prey. Yet, the prey would not fall so easily. I rushed in and we traded many blows.

Ronon's staff came attacking again and his left hand violently clasped my throat. 'So you play it this way', I said to myself. The time for custom training seemed over. I let him rising me from the floor, knowing that his next move would be to throw me on the ground. So I seized his left arm, securing my grip and swiftly kicked his jaw. We both fell on the mat and as he stood back up, his fingers collected a trail of blood from his lower lip.

"Not so bad!" He giggled and looked at his fingers, spreading the blood across their tip.

"You might want to go to the infirmary and get your wound checked" I answered teasingly, taking my position back.

"Huh! I'll make you cry" His delight was evident.

"Try me."

We spared and fought for a good hour and a half. I must say that our session being so intense, I had a hard time not getting kicked. I was happy to end up with only few bruises and a cut on my left cheekbone.

I put the staffs back in the closet and Ronon brought some towels. His lip was still bleeding a bit; so did my cheekbone. We looked at each other and could not prevent laughing. We were weary, bruised, bleeding and content. John entered the gym at this moment.

"What's so funny folks?" He was still sweating in his running attire. His smile dropped slightly when he saw our faces. "You've got to be kidding me! What's wrong with you kids?" He came inspecting my cheek. "Look at what you've done!" he said to Ronon showing him my face.

"Look at what she's done!" He pointed at his cut lip.

"You'll be fine!" John answered, shrugging.

"And I'll be fine too!"

"You need stitches. You're back for less than a day… and you need stitches!" John was holding my chin, still examining the cut.

"Colonel Sheppard to the control room; Colonel Sheppard to the control room." A voice in the speakers called.

John brushed my lips and headed out. "And get this stitched!" he could not refrain adding before leaving the gym.

-º-º-º-

Later, the whole team was called by Colonel Carter into a meeting. We have received a peculiar message. We were all sitting at the table of the conference room, together with Dr Zalenka and Major Lorne. Col. Carter presided the meeting and she looked tense.

"Earlier today, we received this video transmission" Col. Carter switched on the display from the remote control. On the main screen of the conference room, Todd's face appeared.

"This is a message for John Sheppard. You will be pleased to know that I have some information I wanted to share with you. No question you are still in need of power. And as matter of fact, I can provide you with a location where you will find one of the Ancient modules you seek. It goes without saying that the module is currently held in a Wraith complex, which I am sure you will take care of. The offer will not hold long, so do not waste time for getting back to me."

Several sighs could be heard at the end of the diffusion. We were looking at each other, intrigued by the unusual proposition.

"So Todd can provide us with a ZPM. The questions are: are we really in such a need and can we trust this intel?" Col Carter addressed both to John and Rodney.

"Of course we need a Zed-PM!" Rodney spitted arrogantly.

"What I do not understand is why Todd wants to share this with us and not keeping the ZPM for himself." Teyla wondered.

"He obviously needs something. And it must be big. We get a ZPM and in exchange we blow up some bad guys for him; that sounds a little too nice from him." John's synthesis of the situation was quite accurate.

"If we do the bad work for him, what? He buys us!" Ronon sounded irritated.

"So the question is: do we get into this? Is it worth enough to take at least the chance to be fall in a trap during recon?" Col. Carter asked John.

John shrugged. "I think it's worth having a look."

"Okay. Rodney, what about sending a UAV to get a clear picture of the complex and map the Wraith activity once we get the address?"

"Well, I think it's possible."

"How long before you have everything ready?"

Rodney eyed Dr Zalenka, who pouted and said "Give us a day…"

"One hour, at most" Rodney cut Radek's speech.

"Okay, I take that. Send a secured message to Todd and let me know when we receive the details." Col. Carter dismissed the meeting.


	23. Chapter 22: Empty

**Chapter 22: Empty**

The tension was palpable in the locker room. Major Lorne and I were gearing up together with John's team. Something felt not right. I tried to dismiss this odd feeling. I was only back in Atlantis for less than two days and my mind was still occupied by the sailing of my people, Valinor and its cloaking. I shook my head mentally as I zipped my vest.

"You okay?" John whispered behind my shoulder.

"Sure! Is there a problem?" I knew he was trying to conceal his concern.

"You don't have to come. You know, you just came back…" His voice trailed and stopped. My gaze told him I was holding my ground.

"I am all right. Worry not." I attached my P90 to my vest.

"Okay." I felt a bit awkward when he put a kiss on the top of my head. We were definitely not alone. Yet the tenderness in his eyes was telling all what I needed to know and it felt good. We shared a deep love and I was feeling so blessed by the Valar.

I came back to reality when I heard Rodney complaining about our behaviour. John giggled and turned back to the others more seriously.

"All right kids, let's do this. You know the plan: we head to the section where the ZPM is stored. Rodney you have loaded the hive schemes and you stick to Ronon and I. Major and Dëna you place the C4 in the hyper drive control section. All this in 15 minutes. Then we get out of there and go back home. No extra playing with the Wraith. Let's go."

Our jumper arrived on M6C-916 and John cloaked it immediately. I was expecting somehow a Wraith welcome committee, but our coming seemed unnoticed. The hive ship was sitting near a rocky formation and we stationed the jumper not too far. There was no special activity and this quiet atmosphere restored the weird feeling I previously had.

We made our way quickly and silently in the hive, dispatched into two teams and headed quickly to our goal. I was checking on Major Lorne six as we moved in the deserted corridors. It seemed too easy. We arrived at the hyper dive control centre and we had met no Wraith yet. I was watching the surroundings as Major Lorne placed the C4 in strategic locations. After a minute, he was done. I did not need to talk about my concern, but I just looked at him and he nodded back silently.

"So you feel it too, Major."

"And I don't like it either." He tapped his earpiece. "Colonel, this is Lorne. We are good to go here." And after a short silence: "Yes, way too quiet here too." Lorne eyed me worriedly while he was listening to John. "Copy that Colonel, Lorne out." He raised his riffle and jerked his chin towards the corridor: "They found the ZPM and it's totally depleted. This bastard Wraith got us again. Let's get out of here."

We ran lightly over few yards before seeing familiar shadows in front of us. We engaged the Wraith soldiers and more kept coming. I saw four of them closing the other side of the corridor.

"This way!" Major Lorne shouted to me, waving an arm on the right. I followed him while shooting heavy fire to the Wraith soldiers. We were outnumbered and it was bad. We had a little break for few seconds, which allowed us to run down another path.

"We're almost there… crap!" Major Lorne was firing again to more Wraith and I succeeded to take down some more coming from behind.

"Go Major, I'm following you!" Lorne stood up and I followed suit. I turned around when some wraith shots passed above my shoulder. I succeeded to take two more soldiers down and noticed a shadow coming from my left hand side. I swiped quickly my P90 and aimed but a sort of lightening landed on my arm and I felt the electricity travelling quickly through my body, paralysing the muscles on its way. I wanted to shout and tried to move but I felt like an insect bitten by a spider. Another electric shock blasted in my back and all turned to darkness.

-º-º-º-

The next thing I remember was waking up in a Wraith pod. My head was pounding whereas the rest of my body felt weightless. I tried to move but I was definitely well secured. Where were the others? I looked as much as I could around and saw no one. Closing my eyes, I concentrated on listening but I could not detect the presence of anyone, only the unfamiliar sounds of the hive.

They must have known somehow that I woke up, for a group of Wraith arrived few minutes afterwards. Two soldiers came forward and stopped in front of me, guarding my left and right and revealed a Wraith bearing an evil smile. It looked at me for a second and silently ordered to the others to bring me with them. The organic bonds of the pod released me and I was abruptly removed from the cocoon and forced to walk. I did not ask where we were going; I suspected their queen or their commander would like to hear about our intrusion.

Once arrived in a larger room, I was thrown on the floor to my knees. The smiling Wraith grabbed my hair forcing me to raise my head to its commander. He walked slowly towards me, considering me for a while. In front of me, the commander bent forward and observed my face. I could feel the warmth of his breath on my cheek.

"You, Atlanteans, are quite persistent. What are you doing here?" His deep voice resonated in the room and in my head.

"I will tell you nothing" I tried to keep my tone neutral but my voice was shaking involuntarily.

"I will break you down and you will speak!" The commander did a sort of giggle and hissed, obviously enjoying the moment. "You will give me the location of Atlantis"

"I do not come from Atlantis." This was not totally a lie. I concentrated my thoughts to my Golden Wood as it was before when I sensed that the Wraith was invading my mind, probing it for some information.

"You are trying to hide things from me. Soon, you will tell me all I need."

The Wraith stepped back and raised his right hand with a deep snarl. I knew what was going to happen: this very moment when you feel that all the good in your life is reaching its end, this very last few breathers you take without pain and the full knowledge that your life will shrink. And then it came, the Wraith slamming its hand on my chest, the breach opening letting my whole body merciless and the suction of my life and energy.

How can I describe your life sucked and stolen away? How can I find the words to explain something beyond pain and torture? I remember the horror of the feedings that John endured once at the mercy of the Genii but I was not the one living the suffering. I remember what it felt seeing the man I love tortured that way and it was the worse pain I ever had to stand. He talked few about this experience and I understood that sometimes, when the ordeal is too great, it is not something you can share. And during this very moment when my life was taken away, I thought 'now I know, John'. He was the only thing present in my mind and he was the one strength I could hold on.

At some point, the Wraith stopped and I felt the air invading my lungs anew. He was observing me as I was recovering, slowly walking in circles around me.

"You are interesting. Your life force is… interesting. Will you talk or shall I enjoy another fill?"

I looked at the Wraith and tried to regain some composure. "I have nothing to say." It is said that the Lórien elves are the proudest of all the eldar, I am not the least of all. My chin high, I did not budge when the hand came slamming again on my chest. I did not know for how long I could stand the torture and how many feeding I could endure, but I did not say a word and closed my mind to all intrusion.

Eventually, the Wraith released me and violently grabbed my hair to look at me. "What are you? You are not Human, aren't you. This is a pleasure dealing with you and your silence. We shall anyway see how long you can survive this. Yet I think that I will not be disappointed. Now take her away!"

I collapsed on the floor before some soldiers picked me up and dragged me to the pod where I woke up earlier. This pod was strange because it was really soothing me. I think I slept and when I opened my eyes again, I felt immediately stronger, almost repaired and refilled. I had no idea if the others succeeded to escape. I did not want to ask and give information away. I could see other pods around me and they were all empty.

Unfortunately, my rest did not last and I was brought in front of the same Wraith with the same questions, answers and torture. The Wraith wanted the address of Atlantis and of the planet hosting my kin. I faced all the feedings with a stupid pride and howling screams but I did not talk. I can recall many cycles of regeneration in the pod and feedings. But unlike what I initially hoped, each rest in the pod was less and less efficient. If the elves have apparently a greater life force compared to humans, it was not yet endless and I was feeling its continuous decline. Slowly, I was neither dead or alive and was getting emptier by the hour, this emptiness that the sucking of your life force can create, the one that can never be healed, creating a breach that will never be sealed. I remembered the stories depicting Ungoliant sucking the light from the Two Trees of Valinor; my own light was waning, dark burnt leaves pooling around the dead trees.

I did not know for how long I have been their prisoner, whether John and the others were here too or whether they were trying to find me. I was not sure to be able to keep the hope of a potential rescue. The ship has certainly moved from M6C-916 so they might never find me. There was no way to escape and my forces were fading; I was fading. Dying like this was not fair, particularly not just after having refused to sail. Yet even so, I did not regret; I would have seen him one last time. At some point, I thought about the C4 hidden in the hyper drive controller and wished that they had ignited it.

My only salvation was my thoughts to John, my only source of strength. I closed my eyes and thought of him, his lips on mine, his power and warmth. I imagined his hands on my body dragging me out of the pod, breaking the outside shell and ripping out the disgusting wraith tentacles. I was falling in his arms and I was safe.

"Can you walk?"

I was recovering my breath and realised that I've been indeed taken out of the pod. The voice was coming from far away and slowly seemed more real, but it was not his voice.

"Dëna o Lórien, can you walk? We must move now." The voice was deep and the tattoos covering the face were familiar.

"You? Ah… uh, I am not sure. What are you doing here?"

"I came to rescue you," the Wraith named Todd by John said with much pride. I was dumbfounded. How to be sure it was not a trick? He had dragged us into a trap again and I had no guarantee that it would not happen again. Yet it was the only way out and I had no choice than trusting him. Something told me that I could. Todd grabbed my waist and helped me to walk.

We passed quickly in different corridors and reached another level. At some point we met some guards and Todd changed his hold, grasping my arm and hair, treating me as his prisoner. Obviously, it gave the change and once the guards passed, he resumed his help.

"I did not really expect to find you alive. How did you survive multiple feedings?" Todd wondered when we were going few levels down.

"I honestly don't know how I survived. Let's say I have a special strength."

"I can see that." His strange eyes were scanning me.

"Are the others here? What happened?"

"You were the only one to be taken prisoner; your friends escaped."

"I see. Why are you doing this?"

"I am the only one able to help you." Todd said with an amused voice.

"What do you really expect? What will you claim in exchange of me?"

"This is not how it works." He sounded somehow offended.

"Of course it is."

"There is much you don't know about the Wraith."

We have reached the dart bay. Todd asked me not to move. He took a dart and beamed me in there.


	24. Chapter 23: Wraith's Heart

**Chapter 23: Wraith's Heart**

Next thing I knew I found myself sitting in the grass, a sun already high shining. Around me, trees and a crashed dart ship from which Todd was dragging himself off.

"What happened?" I tried to get up but quickly realised that I was took weak for even walking.

"Uh, I ran into some small issues when we left the Hive."

"Small issues? The dart is destroyed! I even wonder how we ended up with our lives."

"Our escape did not pass unnoticed unfortunately. I succeeded to reach a Stargate and we could reach this planet."

"Can they find us over here?"

"I do not think so. I preferred not to reach my Hive firsthand, I can't afford to have its location discovered. We are safe here. This planet is moreover not inhabited anymore."

"Anymore?"

"The last culling here took everyone who was left." Todd suddenly lost his balance.

"Are you alright?"

"Do you worry for me?" And he laughed openly as if it was the best joke he ever heard.

"Okay! What are we doing now?"

"The ship is too damaged to be repaired. I cannot fly it anymore. We are not far from the gate. We could send a message to Atlantis"

"How? They took all my gear. I do not have any radio nor any mean to send my IDC."

"I might be able to repair some communication systems." Todd moaned as he moved around his ship. He looked weak. He had a hard time just standing. And as I understood their technology, it is rather an organic link between the machine and the Wraith. He needed energy to restore the essential systems. If Todd died before taking back to life the communications, I would die too.

Suddenly, Todd stumbled again and fell back. I reached for him, crawling towards him and once near him I saw the open wound below his chest.

"It looks like we might not make it eventually, Dëna o Lórien." He looked at me intensely. It was true that this Wraith was different. I needed him to survive and more than that, I just did not want him dead.

I placed my hand above his wound and passed my energy. Why would the soothing touch of the elves not help the Wraith? After a little moment, Todd blinked and exhaled soundly. His skin was so pale and has lost its usual bluish tone. After few seconds, his eyes sparkled a bit and he widened them.

"You are definitely not human. Your kind is… interesting." From the tone of his voice, I understood that the pain was less.

"Was. They are all… gone."

He made a negative sound and I could not really tell whether it was disappointment or compassion.

"You soothed my pain, but I am still weak. This will not help me recovering."

"There is a way." I gave him a faint smile.

I looked into his strange eyes and I can swear that I've seen him frowning.

"I cannot do that."

"What? A Wraith with a heart?"

"There is much…"

"That I do not know about your kind." I finished his sentence. "And much you do not know about mine. We are very resilient." I hesitated to give him more details, but somehow, I trusted him. "We are practically immortal. We can get killed by weapons but not by old age or disease. I am almost six centuries old. I still have energy, years to live, even more."

As I spoke, I realized that the many feeding took a great toll on my energy. I wished it was still true. I grabbed his right hand. It was almost lifeless as I lifted it, but I felt a resistance when I approached it to my chest.

"Take some, not all of it though." I looked at him without fear.

Todd hesitated. I could see concern.

"If you don't do it, we both die."

"If I drain you, I will not live long anyway. The Atlanteans would kill me for that."

"So don't take too much; I trust you." I pulled his hand and placed it on my chest. I breathed in deeply and looked at him again. "Do it!" I shouted.

Eventually, I felt his hand pressing, claws piercing my flesh to secure the feeding mouth. The mouth seemed to pause for a brief moment but opened and I felt my life drained again.

Todd produced a deep growl and stood up as I fell back. He removed his hand and jerked back, his strength partially restored. To my surprise, he came kneeling next to me, caught my head and lifted it. His eyes were scanning mine and showed some relief as I blinked and talked.

"I'll be fine." I whispered.

He growled. "I must start the repairs of the communication systems. You should rest."

I nodded and he reclined me on the ground.

-º-º-º-

Some hours have passed and the night had fallen. I should have fallen asleep, for I realized that Todd was nowhere around. I felt so cold and weary.

I heard something moving among the nearby trees. I had no weapon and could barely move. I was relived as I recognized Todd coming from the darkness. He carried a pouch and some fruits and put them next to me.

He kneeled down and helped me to get into a sitting position, my body being still numb, then steadied my back against his leg.

"I have found water and fruits. I don't know if they are… edible for you."

I looked at him surprised and smiled.

"Water will be good. Thank you."

He gave a faint nod. I drank few sips from the water skin; the water tasted strange but I discarded this information, as well as the fact that the skin was made of a weird Wraith material.

"How the repairs are going?" I finally asked after a while.

"Slowly. I managed to fix some main controls but now we need to wait."

"What for?"

"Let it grow back!" Todd answered as I should have known it. 

"Oh! How long?"

"Couples of hours. I will have a better estimate by tomorrow."

"Tomorrow! Is it not to risky? If the other Wraith succeeded to track us back here…"

"We do not have other choice."

"I understand."

"I do my best." Todd said almost apologetically.

"Maybe now you can tell me what happen back on the hive? Why did you deceive us? The ZPM was depleted and we were attacked."

"I did not intend this to happen; I was only aware of the location of the module, nothing more. It was not a trap."

"Well, I and certainly the others felt like we have been set up."

"It was not my plan. Believe me." Todd seemed sincere, at least for a Wraith.

"I am not the one you need to convince the most."

"Hmmm…"

"Is it why you saved me from the hive? To show Colonel Sheppard your good faith?"

"This is the only way to prevent him from killing me, isn't it? And I felt also… that I owed you this."

"Atlantis does not know that you planed to save me?"

"I have not been in contact with them since the day of the operation. I needed to keep a low profile. The last thing I needed was the other Wraith being aware of my deal with the Atlanteans."

"So they have no idea of where I am and no way to rescue us."

I imagined how John must have been feeling and guessed that he might kill him anyway. I breathed out heavily, my chest hurt.

"I sense you are getting weaker by the hour. What more can I do for you?" I was totally taken aback by his behaviour. There was indeed something else in this Wraith.

"Uh… I suppose we cannot make a fire." 

"No, we cannot. You are cold, aren't you?"

"For the fist time in my life, I am."

He growled and grabbed me under the arms. To my surprise, he lifted me and dragged me to rest against the dart cockpit, my back leaning against its strange surface. Then he removed the black coat he wore and covered me. He had a moment of hesitation when, as he slid the coat up, halted, and looked at my chest. Revealed by the shattered shirt torn away by the other Wraith were the wounds of the many feedings, including his. Something flickered in his eyes but quickly he resumed to cover me. Todd was taking care of me and I would never forget that. Then he came sitting next to me, hands on his lap, his arm touching mine. He seemed in a sort of meditation, maybe only Wraith sleep; indeed not yet.

"You must rest now." He said with a low and calm voice, the one that takes you to sleep.

I started to feel the heat coming from the ship and it was warming up my back. I was getting more relaxed and let the faint heat diffuse in my body becoming less painful. I dared to tilt my head and let it rest on Todd's shoulder. He did not budge. I reached slowly for his right hand resting on his thigh, the feeding one, and cautiously covered it with mine. I was not afraid of him; I even started to trust him. Something told me he was not completely evil. Being here with him was a good enough proof.

"Thank you." I whispered as I passed my fingers around his and closed my eyes.

He did not answer, breathed slowly, but I felt his fingers closing on mine.


	25. Chapter 24: All Bets are Off

**Chapter 24: All Bets are Off**

The morning light woke me up. Todd was already at work on the dart, his hands buried among some sort of cables expanding from the belly of the small ship. The embedded computer was online, its screen blinking and displaying different Wraith symbols.

Todd rose his head to me; he must have sensed my awakening. He searched for few seconds in the machine and walked to me. He was limping and did not look much better than the eve. The restoration of the ship must have taken much of his energy. He handed me the water skin and I drank some sips. The taste was bitter, even more than the day before.

"How do you feel?" His voice sounded sincerely sympathetic.

"I'm okay. What about the ship?" I was rubbing my legs; they were still numb.

"I might be able to send a transmission soon."

"Good. How will you proceed?"

"I will dial Atlantis and send a data burst. Dr. McKay I'm sure will be able to decode it. I will tell Colonel Sheppard where he can found us and to come alone and unarmed. And I will ask a small extra requirement."

"Which is?"

"To drop me to another planet from which I can contact my hive. And not to follow me."

"This is a big call."

"I think I have in my favour the most compelling argument." He stared at me, almost a smirk on his mouth. I briefly felt like he considered me as a good for trade or maybe just as food. "He is your mate, isn't he?"

The Wraith and their mind scanning, I thought. What else could had he read from my mind when I was weak?

"Your silence proves my assumptions right." Maybe no mind intrusion after all. "And you tend to utter names in your sleep." He almost looked amused.

"Please, send the message as soon as possible."

He groaned and got back to the dart machinery. After few hours, all seemed ready.

"There should be enough power. Fortunately, we are not too far from the Gate."

I silently prayed for it to work. I did not think I had more energy to give and another feeding would not be possible. Todd activated the dart dialling system. We heard the Gate starting to lock the chevrons and finally the wormhole connecting. Though, the connection was lost after a second or two.

"What happened?" I answered worriedly.

"It worked!" Todd answered proudly.

"How do you know? The Gate shut down so quickly."

"They received the message, worry not. We just need to wait. They won't be long I assure you."

-º-º-º-

Less than an hour later, the Gate activated by itself. My heart raced. It must be him, there was no other choice. I refused the eventuality to see darts popping out of the wormhole. Fortunately, I thought I saw a puddle jumper, but my sight was not at its best. Obviously, Todd saw the same thing.

"I told you so!" He rose to his feet, a stunner in his hand.

"What are you doing with this?"

"I am just cautious."

"How do you want others to respect your requests if they cannot trust you?"

Todd considered me for few second and, with a snort, slid the small stunner back in its pouch.

"Would you help me to stand up, please?"

"You shouldn't" He almost rolled his eyes but lowered himself to pick me up.

I grabbed his shoulders and he passed a hand around my waist. My legs were shaking and demanded all my energy to move. It took me a little while to realize that it was actually his feeding hand that was supporting me. I did not have anything to fear. Since the day before, my life had depended upon him, and he did all what he had in his power to help me. And this, I would never forget. I was a bit anxious at John's reaction. Would he let him go as Todd asked? It was a question of life or death for him. If he could not feed soon, he would die. And being prisoner in Atlantis would also be a death sentence. I was not yet in a standing position when a voice came from behind.

"Don't move!" It was John's voice, stern and commanding.

"It's okay John, he's helping me!" Todd, who had frozen, looked at me interrogatively. "He won't shoot" I told the Wraith.

"Are you sure of that?" Todd did not seem convinced.

"Dëna?" John's voice was anxious.

I rose up slowly, supported by Todd. John was standing by the other side of the crashed dart. He looked at us, dazzled, and lowered his P90. I was aware that the Wraith was holding me, by this feeding hand, but it wasn't a threatening situation. I hoped it did not look like it.

"God… Hold your fire!" He said after tapping his earpiece. Obviously, he was not alone. He walked quickly to us, looking alternatively at the Wraith and me. I smiled encouragingly and once he arrived in front of me, I passed from Todd's hold to his, the strangest transition ever.

"Oh god!" John's whispered in my ear, crushing me against his chest. "I thought I've lost you." Holding me tight, he kissed my neck, eye and lips. His heart was beating fast and so did mine. I was so happy and relieved. He backed up a bit to look at me, his gaze telling me so many things, that he had missed me, worried so much, could not have done much but never gave up. Then it drifted where my torn shirt opened on my chest. He saw with horror the scars spreading from the top of my breasts to my throat, bloody imprints of the feedings, the skin savaged by ugly claws. He turned to Todd as I saw his demeanour changing in an instant.

"You are so dead!" he spitted coldly.

Todd made a step back in a reflex and got stopped by the tip of Ronon's blaster. Major Lorne was also there, his rifle equally pointed at the Wraith.

"He didn't do that! John! Listen to me! He saved me." I turned John's face back to me, so many feeling were mingled in his eyes. "He didn't!" I lied again. "He saved me!" There were some details he did not need to know, at least not now. "Bring me home!" He looked at me interrogatively for a moment, biting his lower lip. Eventually, he nodded slowly.

"Ronon! Major!" and John jerked his head aside. I understood that Todd was taken. John had moved to grab my legs but I stopped him.

"Wait! John, set him free."

"What?" he stopped immediately what he was doing.

"Todd asked you to drop him on another planet in exchange of me, right?"

"Of course he did!" He looked coldly at the Wraith.

"So please, do it. It was the deal."

"There's no deal."

"I don't trust him!" Ronon had pointed his blasted to Todd's head. "Let's kill him now, once and for all."

"No killing whatsoever! John, I am asking you. Please."

"Are you nuts? After what he did?" He did not understand. I saw that, for a while, he believed I might have lost my mind, been corrupted by the multiple feedings.

"He is really not as guilty as you think, not as evil as you guess. Please. He saved my life. Do it for me, I beg you" I almost whispered. Something inside me could not really believe I was begging for a Wraith's life.

John gazed at me for few seconds, considering my request.

"Alright." He touched his earpiece. "Rodney, dial the address for Todd now." He was still looking at me seriously. "I said now McKay!"

The Stargate activated few yards down. John jerked his head at Todd. "Go." He looked at the Wraith limping in the direction of the Stargate. After few yards, he hailed him but the Wraith did not turn, only halted.

"Now, all bets are off. Understood?"

I heard a faint groan from Todd and he resumed his walk. We looked at him stepping though the Gate, and the wormhole closed seconds after.

This time, John moved down and swiped me in his arm. His eyes were softer.

"Let's go now". I saw he tried hard not to look at my chest wound. He kissed the top of my head and I finally allowed myself to relax.


	26. Chapter 25: The Gift of Men

**Chapter 25: The Gift of Men**

I was resting on a not so much comfortable bed in the infirmary. On too many occasions I've been watching this ceiling. The humming coming from the instruments has become familiar. I've been there too many times, as a patient or as a guest waiting for John's recovery. This time, I honestly felt drained. Too much happened and it happened too quickly. This world was moving too fast. I accepted it better when I was in control. Lying on this bed, I was not in control anymore.

I let myself dose off few times before feeling a presence next to me. John was by my side and his figure and face appeared clearly after few second fighting with a blurry vision.

"Hey, you slept a great deal. Feeling better today?" John kissed my forehead and sat on the edge of the bed.

"I don't recall sleeping so much anytime in my life! But I feel better indeed. I only wish to get back to my quarters soon." I moved slowly to reach a sitting position.

"Dr. Keller said you needed some rest. She was reluctant to let you go before having run all the tests she wanted."

"Can you ask her how long it will take to …" I was interrupted by Dr. Keller who was coming toward us. "Hello Doctor, I was just wondering about the duration of my stay here." She smiled warmly at me.

"Yes… I didn't feel it was cautious to let you go without having the results of the tests I've asked. And uh… I just got them back and I wanted to talk with you about them." Jennifer Keller bore a serious look. I understood that there was a problem, but in the other hand I had felt a bit better everyday.

"Okay… Doc?" John wondered as she seemed to have frozen while looking at the documents she brought. I felt John's hand squeezing mine.

"I was thinking… I will try to make it simple. We ran extensive blood tests. Our first concern was to check on the presence of the feeding enzyme in your blood. The good thing is that we didn't find any. However, I found something odd when I compared your blood test with our database. A slight difference. So I ran more tests." Dr. Keller was checking on her document. My tension increased. She breathed deeply before continuing.

"It seems that the feedings were not as harmless on you than I initially thought. Given your particular metabolism, it was not something I could have foreseen. We found that your DNA has been altered." She paused as I frowned. "It is the genetic material packed into chromosomes that are contained by all the cells in your body. This is basically the library of your body. In the life of a human cell, the tip of the chromosomes, the telomeres, are slowly cut down by a protein. They get shorter as we grow older. It is a natural process. But it is not the case for your race. When Carson ran the first tests on you DNA, he did not find this protein and, as a result, your telomeres do not get shortened. This might be one of the reasons explaining the longevity of your race. It was Carson's hypothesis and it is indeed the most sensible explanation."

"I do not understand what is altered now." I was confused and scared. I knew something bad was on its way.

"As I told you, we have a copy of your DNA and of its characteristics in our database. It seems that the feedings took a toll on your telomeres. They show signs of degradation. Nothing alarming though, but it seems that the natural shortening we observe for human telomeres is now affecting yours. Indeed, we detecting the presence of the cutting protein. The synthesis of this protein might have been triggered by the feedings. If the preservation of your telomeres was the reason of your longevity, I presume that you do not possess anymore… Well, according to the results, they do get shortened."

"At which rate?" John asked worriedly.

"It seems to be the same rate as the one known for humans." Dr. Keller answered.

"So, am I dying? Is this what you are saying?" I looked at her straight in the eyes.

"It's… eventually, yes. What I'm saying is that it looks like your cells will grow old and eventually die, like human cells. So… you will… grow old and eventually die."

"You are telling me that I am mortal now, is that it?"

"Yes. But according to the tests we've run, you have a whole life to live. Well, at our human scale." She was smiling softly. "I do not have any objection for you returning to your quarters, but you're not cleared yet for active duty. You should take some time to rest and… rest. Come down anytime if you feel still weak or… if you have questions. I am sorry to not bring you better news." Dr. Keller smiled shyly and left us.

I was looking down at my hands. These hands have learned to handle so many tools: bows, swords and guns. They have been working on logs, rocks and devices. They have touched the bark of so many trees, in different forests and on different planets. They have touched the face of so different people, men and elves. John's hands came closing on them. When I turned to him, I saw sadness and distress in his eyes. He was looking at me painfully but silently. Sometimes, the unspoken words are heavier in meaning than the ones you can utter and what he did not say warmed up my heart.

I freed a hand and caressed his face, smiling softly. He frowned, for he did not understand.

"I have the gift now." I told him softly.

"What are you talking about?"

"I have the gift of men. I have been given the gift of mortality. Nothing happens needlessly. I knew my path was not to follow my people. My path was here and the Valar gave me the most formidable gift: the chance to share a lifetime with you."

"But it's not fair, you were immortal…"

"And I made a choice to live among men. You are not immortal. I would have accepted any fate if it was the price to pay for sharing these years with you. I did not expect this gift. I never knew how it felt like to be subdued by time. Now I feel like I want to make most of it. It feels meaningful now. Each turn of season will be a new season of my life and this is a treasure." I smiled again tenderly.

"Okay… I uh, did not imagine you would take it like this. I don't know what to say, Dëna."

"Words are nothing. Only actions can …" I did not have time to finish my sentence. John had caught me in a passionate kiss. Only actions are important. And love.

Breaking our kiss, he looked intently in my eyes. "Are you really okay?"

"I am. And I will be better once I will be out of this place." I squeezed his hand and he smiled fondly.

"Alright. I take you home."

-º-º-º-


	27. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Few weeks later, I resumed to a normal life and to active duty. Life had a different tone and light a different shade. All was different and new. I wondered whether this was how men feel their life? I was now no different from them, just a bit older, yet I felt their equal.

After all the doubts, all the fears and all the question deprived of answers and dreams deprived of substance, I took the way back home. Just one last step, just one; the very last step.

Home has been Lothlórien. Home has been Atlantis. I have had many Homes. Overall, Home was his heart and his eyes.

I went along his body, I went along his life. I've been transported. I've been transported beyond the limits and beyond the forests. Leaving ease aside, I've taken no shortcut nor side path. He was my ship, my tree.

The last step has been the gift. And so was it: the gift of men. The gift of mortality was mine to carry away until the remainder of my days. My life, an open book, still bears few pages to fill up. Yet I know now the last line.

I was a warden of Lothlórien. I was a soldier of Atlantis. I was an Elf. I was Dëna.


End file.
